Love Is Not Enough
by dreamer one
Summary: Sometimes "Always" doesn't mean forever. Jack and Sam struggle with the aftermath of their final captivity at the hands of Ba'al.
1. Chapter 1 Dear Sam

Love Is Not Enough

Summary: Sometimes "Always" doesn't mean forever. Jack and Sam struggle with the aftermath of their final captivity at the hands of Ba'al. (Sequel to Agony of Spirit.)

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Chapter One: Dear Sam

It had been a difficult day. Sam O'Neill was looking forward to a quiet evening at home with Jack. He'd been so down lately. She was glad to be getting home at a reasonable hour; maybe they'd have time to talk.

Then she saw the letter.

It was tossed haphazardly on the nightstand. The three short letters of her name called out to her in Jack's familiar scrawl. The feeling of foreboding descending on her heart was all too real. Something was very wrong.

She was surprised to find her hands trembling as she opened the unsealed envelope. With a growing sense of unease she began to read.

_Dear Sam_

_You know me. I'm a coward when it comes to this stuff. That's why I'm taking the easy way out and writing you this letter._

_First of all, I want you to know I love you. I don't think I'll ever stop loving you. All I want is your happiness and your safety._

_That's why I'm leaving. I can't give you what you deserve anymore. Maybe I never could. _

_I know we talked about age not being a factor here, but it is. There's no point in denying it anymore. The last few weeks, months have proved that to me. The other night, well that was just salt in the wound. _

_I'm taking an extended leave from the Pentagon. They're being more understanding than I expected and giving me all the time I need. Please don't try and contact me. I want you to get on with your life, and if you come after me, you never will. _

_You still have time to be with a man who can give you the love and security you deserve._

_I want the best for you. I don't ever want to stand in your way. If I stayed that's what would happen, like it did in Ba'al's prison._

_Maybe the damned snakehead did me a favor, showed me what I was letting you in for, a future of caring for an old man. I won't do that to you._

_Be happy, Sam._

_Jack_

Sam sat silently holding the damned letter in trembling hands. She read it, again and again, hoping it was all a tragic mistake. She could feel herself shutting down. She couldn't deal with the pain that threatened. Denial was a wonderful thing. This _was_ a mistake, it had to be.

TBC

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A/N: More to be explained in upcoming chapters.

Sorry for the huge delay in starting this sequel. I had considered saying goodbye to the fanfic writing altogether, but decided to give it a go for awhile again.

Most of you have likely forgotten Agony of Spirit .There will be recaps in the next few chapters of the most important plot points as I take you back to look at the motivations behind Jack's letter to Sam.


	2. Chapter 2 Not Quite Free

Chapter Two: Not Quite Free

It had been a long, tiring flight. But he'd hardly noticed. No more than he'd noticed the monotonous, all too familiar drive from the airport.

"Hey," was the only word he uttered.

As Jack O'Neill swung open the door to his favorite hideout, he caught sight of his old friend. Though mildly surprised, he was grateful beyond words Teal'c had come. The now middle-aged Jaffa looked the same as ever. He was strong and dependable, the recent streak of grey running through his dark hair only serving to accentuate the reassuring effect of his presence. Much as Jack hated to admit it, he needed reassurance tonight. He needed a friend.

"It would appear you were delayed," Teal'c observed in his stilted, overly polite phrasing.

"Waiting awhile, huh?" Jack assumed. "Sorry."

Jack tossed his full, hastily packed duffel into the nearest chair then lowered himself onto the sofa. Once down, he threw back his head and closed his eyes.

"I don't want to hear it," he said irritably.

"I have said nothing," Teal'c replied.

"I can hear you thinking," Jack answered.

"Indeed."

In the best of times, Teal'c wasn't much of a conversationalist. And Jack, well the heroic General O'Neill was a man of action. Speaking of feelings was not his strong suit in the best of times. Today was definitely not the best of times. He'd do anything to avoid a conversation about what had happened between him and Sam. Right now he wanted to forget… everything.

After a few moments of considered, pregnant silence, his battle hardened friend dared to share his thoughts.

"She will know you are here," Teal'c stated matter-of-factly. As he spoke, the large man continued to look straight ahead, making no attempt at eye contact with his friend. He knew the effort would be fruitless.

"Your point?"

Teal'c didn't move a muscle. He remained seated calmly across the room from the man who'd first offered him freedom nearly twelve years ago. He'd followed Jack O'Neill through more death defying adventures than he could count. And he would follow him to the ends of the earth. But at this moment, friendship demanded more.

"My point is that this cabin is the first place Samantha will look for you," Teal'c explained patiently.

"Not if you tell her not to," Jack countered.

"Why would I do that, O'Neill?"

With a huff, Jack pulled himself out of the overstuffed old sofa and headed to the kitchen. He pulled open the door to the worn, vintage refrigerator and grabbed himself a beer. Even though he'd been away from this place for over a month, he'd left it stocked with the essentials.

Still standing, having taken a long swig of what he was dearly hoping would be a magic elixir to soothe his soul, Jack addressed Teal'c.

"Because you're my friend and I asked you to," he said.

"Samantha is also my friend and she will be concerned," Teal'c replied.

"Well see," Jack came back, "that's where you come in. You'll tell her you've seen me and I'm just peachy."

"Peachy?" Teal'c echoed flatly. "I do not believe that to be the truth."

"Damn it, Teal'c," he spat, "I need some time and if Sam's with me, I won't be able to do this."

Teal'c did not reply. He'd been told from the beginning Jack wasn't planning on staying at the cabin long. He knew what his friend intended to do. He knew what Jack was asking of him. That didn't mean he had to like it. Not one bit.

OoOoOo

Five full hours after arriving in Minnesota from Colorado Springs, Jack O'Neill fell into bed. Teal'c had insisted on staying overnight, but he'd be leaving in the morning. Jack planned to leave soon after. Staying here was out of the question. There were too many reminders of Sam.

It was good of Teal'c to come. Jack hadn't expected him. He'd planned to hang out here by himself tonight, get quietly drunk and call Teal'c in the morning. But his good friend wouldn't allow that to happen. He was concerned, much as Sam had been. He needn't have worried, least not to Jack's way of thinking.

Haunted by waking dreams and nightmares, Jack didn't expect to get much sleep tonight. If he were honest, he'd admit he hadn't gotten much sleep any night since rescue from Ba'al's hellhole. By his count it was five weeks and a day now. And yes, he was counting.

After spending a week in the SGC infirmary under Dr. Lam's watchful eye, he'd been declared fit to go home, at least as far as the house in Colorado Springs. There, Sam promptly took Carolyn's place. At least that's how it felt to Jack. In reality, he knew his wife's close observation and concern were signs of her love for him, but he couldn't help feeling needy, even dependent. And he hated it. It went against everything in him. Independence, courage, strength they meant something to Jack. He couldn't see Sam having to take care of him, worry about his well being. It wasn't right. It ate at him, as did Sam's silence about what had happened to her.

For the next four weeks, he'd spent most of his time at home or in physical therapy, gradually regaining the physical strength stolen from him during his captivity. Sam had been patient and encouraging. But he could feel himself pulling away, withdrawing. She never did tell him about the miscarriage she suffered during their escape. And he decided not to bring it up. The fabric of trust between them suffered from both their decisions.

As if that weren't enough, Jack was impotent for the first time in his life. With a different perspective, he might have recognized this as an expected side effect of his traumatic captivity. But as it was, self doubt long ago banished by Sam's love raised its ugly head once again. And along with the fear and depression naturally cultivated by a month's worth of torture, it conspired to bring him to the end of the road. He had nothing to offer her, at least not as he saw it.

And so he'd written the letter. And confided in Teal'c, the one best suited to keep his confidence.

TBC.

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A/N: It was great to hear from so many of you. I'm glad you're still out there and willing to read my stuff. It makes the effort so very worth it!


	3. Chapter 3 Running

Chapter Three: Running

Packing … he hated it … never more than at this moment.

Still it was a necessary evil. There were certain things he'd need for this hastily planned jaunt.

Now there was an interesting term ... jaunt. Daniel Webster defined jaunt as a short trip taken for fun or pleasure. Well, not exactly. The journey on which Jack was embarking would be neither short nor pleasurable. But it would be a journey he'd remember, a journey he expected would define the remainder of his mortal life.

At least that's how Teal'c had described it, a week ago today.

That was the day Teal'c walked in on him at home, unannounced. The man's timing was flawless; Jack had to admit that much. His good friend had saved him from making the worst mistake of his life. When Teal'c arrived, Jack had been minutes away from blowing his brains out.

Teal'c found his friend sitting in the living room with a revolver in his hand. The sight was shocking, but the stoic Jaffa had never let on. Where anyone else might have called 911, arranged for a mental hygiene arrest or at the very least insisted he see a therapist and start medication, Teal'c's approach, as usual, was unique.

Once Jack set down the firearm, his uninvited friend confronted him with talk of honor and the courage needed to battle through pain and adversity. Teal'c's challenging words had the desired effect, yanking a depressed, self-pitying Jack partially out of the abyss. Needless to say, Teal'c's "in your face approach" wasn't a recommended therapeutic strategy, but he knew Jack O'Neill, almost as well as he knew himself. In many ways the two men thought alike. For them, the way of the warrior was not an empty motto. It was the way both men chose to live their lives, especially when the chips were down.

Their meeting of minds hadn't ended there. Teal'c had resorted to more than a little physical intimidation before leaving that afternoon. In no uncertain terms, he'd knocked some sense into his friend. It hadn't been easy, but Jack was in a somewhat better frame of mind by the time Teal'c left. He'd sworn the large man to secrecy, making him agree to keep Sam in the dark about how close he'd come to ending his life. In fact, the one thing Teal'c had said in the midst of everything that afternoon, the one thing that made sense, the one thing that even now convinced Jack he could never take his own life, was Teal'c's enraged description of how much such an action would hurt Sam.

That thought had stopped Jack in his tracks. Though he'd been convinced he was thinking of Sam all along, how she'd be better off without him, his desperation hadn't seen beyond the immediacy of his self-hatred. Teal'c took care of that, literally shaking his friend back into reality. More than that, Teal'c offered Jack an alternative. It was this little jaunt he was preparing for today. Something called Kel'pram'teen.

To hear Teal'c explain it that day, Jack thought it sounded a lot like the coming of age rituals well known to many human cultures. Boy goes into woods … boy survives… boy comes out a man. But this wasn't only for male adolescents. It was a walkabout of sorts, a solitary wandering designed to bring the wanderer back to himself. If done correctly, the person completing Kel'pram'teen would be restored to wholeness.

Jack didn't hold out a lot of hope for wholeness. But if he could learn to survive without Sam and let her get on with a life of her own, he believed he'd be doing right by her. Teal'c's approach held out about as much hope as any. What could it hurt? If nothing else it would give him time, time to decide where to go from here, where to go, how to go on without the woman he loved.

If it were possible, he would do it, for both their sakes. He owed it to Sam. If only he'd known it wasn't what she wanted.

OoOoOo

By 0500, Sam had given up on sleep. She'd tried, knew she needed some rest if she were to make it into work this morning, but it was hopeless. She'd rung Jack's cell every hour on the hour to no avail. The man had obviously shut off his phone. He didn't want to be reached. If she weren't so scared for him, she'd be furious.

But she was scared, very scared. Jack had been withdrawing more and more over the past few weeks. She was sad to say that since she didn't know what to do, she'd done nothing. And now, now he was gone.

She'd seen him drifting away. The nightmares had returned. He'd wake up screaming in the middle of the night. She'd find him staring into space when she'd come home in the middle of the day. At first he'd admit to reliving the torture Ba'al had visited on him, but as the days went on, he'd insisted it was nothing, told her she was overreacting. And she'd willed herself to start believing his words.

The alternative was too hard. Confronting what had happened to both of them was too hard. Getting Jack to really talk about his own vulnerability, that was nigh to impossible, especially now. To be honest, she was almost afraid to try, fearing he'd break down altogether.

At the same time, she needed his strength more than ever. She was grieving the loss of their child and, of her own volition, she was grieving alone. She was sure Jack had enough to handle, getting over the weeks of torture he'd suffered. She knew he felt guilty about being unable to help her, about how she'd been injured in the escape attempt. She couldn't bring herself to add to his suffering. Sadly, she had no idea how much her silence had done just that.

Once she was up, Sam made one more futile attempt to reach Jack, then got dressed and headed for the mountain. Since she couldn't sleep, she might as well work. And while she plodded through the interminable paper work waiting for her today, she'd decide how to go about locating her husband.

Clutching a hastily brewed cup of coffee and a coat she hadn't bothered to put on, Sam made her way down to the level of her lab. As the elevator doors slid open, she did a double take. She hadn't expected Teal'c to be back so soon. He told her he was taking "personal time."

"Good morning," she said. "I thought you'd be gone longer." It wasn't like Teal'c to request time off, at least not planet-side. Whatever the reason, Sam had expected it to take longer than this.

"There was no more need for my presence," Teal'c replied. "I came back on the first flight this morning."

"Certainly looks that way," she said. "Sun's not even up yet."

"And yet, you are," he observed.

"Yeah," she admitted. Opening the door to her lab, Sam walked in, tossed her coat over a chair and set down the coffee filled Styrofoam cup.

"Jack's gone," she said, wincing as she voiced the words. Looking straight at Teal'c while she spoke, she suddenly understood where he'd been.

"You know where he is, don't you," she said.

Teal'c nodded silently.

"Is he alright? Teal'c, if Jack needs to be away from me for some reason, fine," she said sincerely in a rush of words, "but I need to know he's alright."

"He is alright," Teal'c parroted. "He wants you to know that."

"Where is he?"

"That I am not at liberty to reveal."

Sam pulled out a chair and sat down heavily, sighing as she did. She closed her eyes and willed away the tears that threatened.

"How can you do that?" she asked. "Not tell me, how can you do that?"

"I am simply honoring O'Neill's wishes," Teal'c replied.

"Which are what exactly?" Sam asked, the sudden edge in her earlier anxious voice betraying a thinly veiled anger.

Before responding, Teal'c sat down in front of Sam and reached out to take her hand. He was torn in his loyalties to two dear friends, trying to do his best by both. He only hoped these two very stubborn lovers would find their way back to each other.

"O'Neill needs to be alone to recover his strength, to prove he is man enough to be your husband," Teal'c explained, his voice soft and soothing. "His desire is something the Jaffa have always understood. It happens for many at a certain age, often following a period of severe physical illness or humiliation."

For a moment Sam struggled to digest what Teal'c had told her. Her mind whirled and her heart reached out for Jack, instinctively yearning to comfort him. She wanted to understand, and in some ways she did. But still ... it wasn't enough. He'd left her behind.

"How could he do this … leave me like this?" Sam pleaded.

"He felt he had no choice."

"No choice?" Sam spat. "He could have talked to me, told me what was happening."'

"And you could have talked to him," Teal'c replied calmly.

With that, her good friend stood up, bowed and took his leave.

TBC

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A/N: Please continue to give me feedback about the story.

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Thanks.


	4. Chapter 4 Friendship

Chapter Four: Friendship

He was due on Chulak within the hour. He wished he could stay. Given the circumstances, there was no doubt his Taur'i friends needed him more than anyone on his home planet.

And so the normally efficient Jaffa leader took his time. Making his way through his usual SGC haunts he gathered his belongings for the trip home and made it a point to seek out his younger teammate on the way. Sure enough, he found Daniel Jackson in his office, immersed in a pile of manuscripts that threatened to topple off his work table at the slightest provocation.

Teal'c stood in the doorway a full two minutes before Daniel noticed him.

"Teal'c!" the once geeky scholar finally exclaimed, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. "You can come in you know. It's not like Sam's lab. Nothing's going to blow up in here."

Teal'c smiled in spite of his dour mood. He was fortunate to have such good friends on his adopted world. He belonged here in ways he never imagined he would. It was most certainly one of fate's most treasured blessings.

"What's up?" Daniel asked. Then without waiting for an answer, he went on, "Jack's not answering his phone."

"No, he is not," Teal'c responded. "That is why I wanted to see you. As I am going to Chulak, I will depend on you to rest your eyes on Colonel Carter."

"Okaaaay," Daniel hissed thoughtfully, pondering his good friend's use of earth-based colloquialisms. "What's going on? Why does Sam need … watching?"

Daniel was yet another friend who'd chosen to deny the obvious signs of emotional distress Jack O'Neill had shown over the past few weeks. This left him in a state of blissful ignorance when it came to his friends' distress. In many ways it did not surprise Teal'c. Like himself, O'Neill had made suppressing his emotions an art form, one at which he normally excelled.

"O'Neill has left," Teal'c pronounced flatly.

"I know, he was scheduled to leave for Washington this morning," Daniel said blithely. "It's great how quickly he's back to his old self, ready to go back to work like nothing happened."

Teal'c hung his head for a moment and then recovered to fix his younger friend with a wilting look.

"On the contrary, Daniel Jackson," he said, "a great deal of something has happened."

Daniel looked at him as though he truly were from another planet. Before Teal'c could say more, Daniel's puzzlement was compounded by Sam's sudden arrival.

Sam tried her hardest to enter Daniel's office at a controlled pace, as if it were any other day at the mountain. She was good at pretending. Much like her husband, she'd kept her emotions in control long enough to know all the tricks. But today was harder than usual. He'd left her; in her mind, Jack had walked out on her when she'd needed him the most. The heartache was much worse than she could have expected. Though she might not admit it, she wanted her friends to help bring him back. To that end, she'd followed Teal'c to Daniel. What their loyal friend had shared with her moments earlier in her lab was nowhere near enough. Now, standing in the doorway, she reached deep inside for the mask of military discipline, hoping to hide the turmoil she felt in her heart.

"I thought I'd find you here," Sam said in her best command tone. No one was fooled as tears pooled in her eyes. It was no use hiding it; like it or not she was an emotional wreck. "I have to know where he is," she insisted softly. She looked directly at Teal'c, barely acknowledging Daniel's presence.

Teal'c kept his silence.

"What's wrong, Sam?" Daniel asked. "Would someone tell me what's going on?"

Sam turned to Daniel, startled by the sound of his obviously concerned voice. Unbidden, the tears began to fall.

"Jack left me," she said curtly. "Teal'c knows where he is, but won't tell me."

Daniel shot Teal'c a piercing look of accusation. If he knew where Jack was, why wouldn't he tell her?

"She has a right to know where her husband is," Daniel insisted.

"Perhaps," the older man answered tentatively. With a bit more thought, Teal'c continued as gently as he could, "But that is why O'Neill has left his whereabouts with me, Daniel Jackson. At the moment, he does not wish to be found."

As he spoke, Teal'c realized Sam wasn't the only one hurt by Jack's mysterious disappearance. All three of them cared about the former SG1 leader and Sam loved him more than anything. Of that Teal'c had no doubt. He only wished his floundering friend shared his certainty.

"What is that supposed to mean, he doesn't want to be found?" Sam asked. Her pleading tone of voice could barely mask her outrage.

"It means O'Neill loves you very much and wants the best for you," Teal'c said. As he spoke he knew his words made little sense. He'd tried to convince Jack of that very contradiction but was unsuccessful. "He has decided this is his only course of action and does not want you to worry unnecessarily. Therefore he will remain in contact with me during his absence."

"That makes no sense," Daniel argued, as if reading Teal'c mind. Sam stood beside him, clearly puzzled and hurt by Jack's actions and Teal'c's complicity.

Teal'c merely raised his eyebrow, nodding imperceptibly.

"I did not say I agreed with his reasoning," Teal'c clarified, "only that I respect his wishes."

"I love him, Teal'c," Sam said simply.

"Of that I have no doubt, Samantha."

"Then stop it!" Sam insisted. "Tell me where he is so I can go to him. He's in trouble or he wouldn't have left like this."

"Yes, our friend, the man you love is in trouble," he agreed. "But he must come to terms with himself before he can come to terms with you."

"What are you talking about?"

"I am only saying that there is much to be done before the two of you truly understand each other."

His tone on top of his words earlier in her lab left little doubt in Sam's mind.

"He knows, doesn't he?"

"Indeed."

OoOoOo

Moments after confirming Sam's suspicions that Jack had learned of the miscarriage, Teal'c was summoned to the gateroom where he was scheduled to leave for Chulak. No sooner had he left than Sam found herself crying in Daniel's arms.

"What have I done?"

Daniel had no answer. In fact, Teal'c sudden visitation and the surprising exchange that followed had left him speechless and feeling woefully inadequate.

"It's okay," he muttered soothingly as his friend cried her eyes out. But even Daniel knew it was far from "okay". As Teal'c had suggested, he would "rest his eyes" on his friend for as long as was needed. Whatever was going on, Sam wouldn't have to walk through it alone.

TBC

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A/N: Thanks to all for the encouraging reviews. Please continue, they make all the difference!


	5. Chapter 5 Traveling Man

Chapter Five: Traveling Man

_Compared to backpacking through the Stargate, this is nothing, _Jack thought_._

He'd left the cabin a little over a day ago. The trip started in a small town less than an hour from his favorite hideaway. Determined to deflect any effort Sam might make to locate him, yet wedded to the idea of exploring the rural areas of his favorite state, he'd hopped a Trailways bus and taken it just south of St. Paul. From there he planned to meander his way down through the nation's midsection. He had no idea how far he'd get or what would happen when he got there. Teal'c assured him he'd know when it was time to come home, wherever he might decide home would be.

At Teal'c's suggestion, after the initial Trailways excursion, Jack planned to use limited resources on his little adventure. After all this was meant to be a test of his stamina, a proving ground if you would. With the intent of seeing as much as he could see under his own steam, he'd decided to go only where he could walk, hitch rides, or in a pinch, take a bus. He brought with him only what he could carry and, as far as possible, planned to spend only what he earned on a daily basis. It would be a far cry from the life of the Washington power broker he'd become in the past few years.

At night, he'd camp out. He'd brought a single credit card just in case, but there was no reason to splurge on hotels when he could just as well rough it, like he'd done many a time off world. He intended to get back in shape, prove to himself he was still capable of taking care of himself. Sure it was Minnesota, but it was the middle of the summer. He could handle it. And if he couldn't, well that would tell him something he needed to know.

It was different, he'd give it that much, this Kel'parn …whatever… thing. Still there was something vaguely familiar about it. Hiking alone, with no particular destination and little if any means of support, he'd done that as a teenager trying to avoid going to college the first time. That was long ago, before he started to buy into the military sense of duty and responsibility. It brought him back. Back to his roots, back to the man he was before so much was piled on, so many roles, so much baggage, so many ... feelings.

No one needed to tell Jack things were a bit more dangerous out on the road than when he was a kid. He was far from naïve; he was prepared. He might look like a helpless old guy, but anyone deciding to take advantage of him would be making a sad mistake indeed. In addition to the ubiquitous cell phone and his deadly black-ops training, this old man was packing.

He could imagine how he looked right now, trudging along the side of the road, backpack slung over his shoulder. An aging, silver-haired two star Air Force General, hoofing it on his own, dressed in baggy denim jeans and an oversized sweatshirt, a backwards baseball cap placed jauntily on his head. He was definitely out of uniform and looking fairly scruffy with a day's growth of beard. After three years of being "The Man", thumbing his nose at those pesky spit and polish regulations was downright alien. But damn, it felt good. It was the first thing that felt good, that felt like real freedom since the nightmare started with Ba'al.

That realization hinted of blasphemy. A little voice whispered, _What about Sam?_ Jack purposefully ignored the voice, pushing it away, kicking it out of earshot, insisting to himself that Sam couldn't be a part of this journey. He had to make it, or fail, on his own.

Besides, he had told her to go on without him. And he needed to follow through with that, he owed her a chance at freedom, a chance to have it all. He'd caused her enough pain already.

Still, as he plodded along, that niggling inner voice soared with hope Sam might still be waiting for him when he was ready to go home. Stubbornly, he quashed it down. _If I were the one she truly wanted_, he reasoned, _she'd have trusted me, she'd have told me about our baby._

OoOoOo

During his first three days on the road, Jack passed through a series of small towns south of St. Paul. He made it his business to skirt the urban areas, confining his meanderings to the farming areas outside the larger towns and cities. So far he'd traveled truck routes, grabbed rides to more isolated country roads, and slept in out of the way areas under the stars. He was seeing a part of the country he'd never experienced … land of sky blue waters and all that. And he was testing himself. It was the most alive he'd felt in months.

Earlier today, walking through a small town, he'd seen a "Help Wanted" sign posted outside a ramshackle farmhouse. Knocking on the door, he was greeted by an elderly woman looking for the services of a handyman. Jack made himself useful, fixing the plumbing, putting up a fence and earning forty dollars for his troubles. She'd insisted he stay for supper. And when heat lightning heralded a mid-summer's rain storm, she'd offered him a place in her barn for the night. He gratefully accepted the free offer of a dry place to sleep.

Now, settled in for the night, he obediently began his new nightly ritual. Teal'c had insisted that spiritual reflection was an indispensable part of the Kel'parteen process. Jack had balked at the idea from the start, thinking it smacked of a religious practice he was loath to embrace.

Teal'c had refused to take no for an answer. Instead he'd come prepared, handing Jack a book filled with empty pages. Jack's "spiritual reflection" would consists of a nightly journal entry reviewing his day. The less than introspective General O'Neill had gone along with the idea, figuring _how hard could it be, jotting down a couple sentences at the end of the day?_

He'd been surprised.

Quiet, solitude and sitting still with little else to do in the dark had a way of bringing things to the surface.

And so, for the third night he wrote.

_Physically exhausted. I'm out of shape, used to walk ten clicks at a time, no problem. Good of Molly to let me stay here night. Hope no one takes advantage of __the lady, she's too trusting for her own good.. _

And then …

_I miss her. __She blames me for the miscarriage, hell I blame myself. _

His thoughts always came back to Sam. He suspected no matter what he did, they always would.

OoOoOo

He was up before dawn. He'd stopped at a roadside diner for breakfast and was walking by 0700.

It was a glorious July morning. The early sun was quickly drying up the moisture of last night's downpour and the final vestiges of fog were rapidly burning off. It would be a hot one today.

Minnesota had recently experienced a change in the distribution of their farming communities with more small farms springing up to replace medium sized, often more modern operations. And Jack was in the middle of such a rural neighborhood now.

In contrast to the larger dairy farms with their immaculate fences and acres upon acres of grazing land, these holdings encompassed little more than oversized family farmhouses and barn structures converted for the purpose of small milking operations. The structures themselves were relatively close to the narrow country roads that often bisected the properties.

As Jack walked this particular road, he studied the modest homes and their surrounding grounds, wondering for a moment what it would be like to live out his life in such relative obscurity. Peaceful maybe, bucolic, definitely, maybe lonely, he decided.

Then he heard a child scream.

TBC

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A/N: Thanks for reading! So many of you have been so faithful with your very generous reviews. Thanks! I have to admit, hearing from you keeps the muse working overtime.

More soon. I'll try to keep on schedule, but during the work week, not certain if I can keep up with every day updates! But that will be the goal for as long as possible.

I hoped you enjoyed this chapter; I know it's different, but I'm planning on taking Jack on a slightly different adventure this time around. I'm hoping he finds his way back.

More from Sam next chapter, promise. I haven't forgotten about her.


	6. Chapter 6 Cabin Fever

Chapter Six: Cabin Fever

She arrived at the cabin shortly after sunrise.

Sam couldn't sleep, actually hadn't been able to sleep for the past three nights. For better or worse, her two most recent sleepless nights were spent in and around her quarters at the SGC. And as luck would have it, both Daniel and Vala had been witness to Sam's agitated insomnia. At his wits' end, Daniel had suggested taking action might help put some of Sam's nervous energy to rest. Sam agreed without hesitation.

She decided to take a few days off to look for Jack. It hadn't taken her long to decide where to start. The cabin was his safety net, and although she'd spent some time with him there since they'd been married, the cabin in northern Minnesota was definitely Jack's place.

Daniel was already scheduled to go off world in the morning, so Vala stepped up, insisting Sam could not go alone. With unusual sensitivity, Vala offered to stay at a motel in the nearby town and wait to hear from Sam. After all, if Jack actually were at the cabin, she reasoned, they'd need time alone.

The two women took the last seats on a late night military transport. They weren't exactly luxurious accommodations, but that was the least of Sam's worries right now.

She didn't know what to expect. For all she knew Jack might be there, refusing to answer his phone. When she opened the door, she was almost expecting to see him lounging on the sofa in front of the fireplace as though nothing had happened. Of course, that wasn't the case.

The spacious central room had its usual lived-in feeling, with memorabilia scattered around, worn throw rugs and gently used afghans gracing the room. But there was no Jack.

Sam stood in the open doorway, the early morning sun streaming in behind her. Though it brightened the gloom of the darkened room, it did nothing to brighten the depths of her heart. Looking at the empty room, she realized how much she hoped he'd be here, how desperate she was to talk with her husband. Her heart sank.

_Maybe he's coming back,_ she thought. _After all, he's left things out, not neatly tucked away like he usually does here._ Sure enough, there were empty beer bottles on the table, dishes in the dishwasher and pictures strewn across the table in the main room.

_Teal'c was with him and said he's okay_, she reminded herself. Jack's drinking while he was depressed and down on himself worried her. _But Teal'c said he was alright_ …

Then she saw the photos.

Old photographs of Sara and Charlie lay on the table in front of the fireplace. She could picture Jack looking at them as he sat on the sofa. There were at least a couple dozen shots, enough for a small family album full of smiling faces. She had no idea he still had all of these, certainly not tucked away at the cabin.

Seeing the photos triggered a rush of unexpected emotion for Sam. First and most shocking was a sensation of pure jealousy. _Jack left me and here he is drooling over pictures of his ex-wife, _the green eyed monster whispered in her ear. And even more disturbing, _I lost our child and he's reliving the good times with his son by another woman. _Sam closed her eyes against the uncomfortable, irrational impulse to violently shove the pictures off the table.

Then her better self resurfaced.

_Why wouldn't he remember better times, times when he was happy? It's natural, for crying out loud! _

Her eyes filled with tears, pooling and spilling over. Suddenly all she wanted was to hold Jack in her arms and comfort him. He'd lost so much. God knows she'd tried her best to be there for him. The knowledge that her efforts weren't what he needed was painful. More tears came as she held herself tightly.

_Jack … I'm so sorry._

Sitting back against the soft cushions of the old sofa, she pulled her legs up to her chin, reached back to wrap a well worn afghan around her shoulders and sat with her head on her knees. Her eyes closed, she could smell Jack's aftershave, almost feel him wrapped around her. It was his place after all. When he was alone she just knew this is where he settled in front of the fire, where he slept many a night. A surge of warmth flooded her as she snuggled in, taking a deep breath and finally opening her eyes. From where she was seated she looked up and saw a series of framed pictures on the fireplace mantle. For as long as she'd known this place there were photos lined up there, usually of the team. But these looked different, new since the last time she'd been here with Jack

Even from where she was sitting she could tell they were pictures of the two of them. They hadn't been there before. Curious to know exactly what these particular shots captured, she untangled herself from the afghan, unfolded her legs and walked over to the fireplace.

Smack dab in the middle of the half dozen framed photos was her favorite wedding picture. She'd thought the only copy was in their wedding album at home. Clearly she was mistaken. They looked so happy. She smiled to think Jack had brought that picture here. Along with the shot of the ecstatically glowing newlyweds were pictures of her and Jack together over the past two years, smiling, kissing, visiting with Cassie, even here at the cabin. She had to believe Jack treasured these memory as much as his memories of Sara and Charlie.

_What did I do to ruin this? How did we lose what we had?_

Sam understood the emotional and physical trauma he'd experienced, but she'd been there too, suffered too. What made him walk away? Did he really see himself as old and unattractive? Or had she pushed him away.

_I should have told you, _Sam thought, willing Jack to hear her_. I only wanted to prevent you from hurting more than you already were. I should have told you._

Standing there, engrossed in her thoughts, she was startled by the sound of her cell phone. Taking a deep breath, she pulled it out and flipped it open. Before she had a chance to greet the caller, the caller greeted her.

"Well, girlfriend," the familiar, heavily accented voice began, "what's happening?"

Sam remembered she'd promised to update Vala as soon as possible. Patience was not Vala's strong suit.

"Jack's not here," Sam said. "But he was."

"That's it," Vala said decisively. "Hang tight, I'm on my way."

OoOoOo

Vala made quick work of the ten mile drive to the cabin from her motel. She came in, saw tears in Sam's eyes and gave her a big hug. Then she proceeded to make hot chocolate.

"Vala, it's the middle of July," Sam said, looking at the steaming mugs of cocoa her friend offered. "It's pretty warm out there, you know."

"Of course I know," Vala replied, "but chocolate is comfort food and Minnesota is one of the cold states. I'm sure you've told me that."

Sam smiled in spite of herself and reached out for one of the proffered mugs of rich chocolaty goodness.

"Thanks," she said. "You're absolutely right. This is perfect."

The two women sat on opposite ends of the sofa, sipping their steaming beverages. After a moment, Vala looked up at Sam. She didn't say a word.

"What?" Sam asked.

"I'm thinking," she said. "Jack O'Neill is a fool."

Sam set down her mug and regarded her well meaning friend.

"No," she said simply.

"He's a fool for leaving you," Vala insisted, looking more irritated by the minute. "What's worse he's cruel to make you worry about him like this."

Sam sighed, scrunched up her face as if fighting off a very bad headache and started again.

"It's not all his fault," Sam whispered. "It's not his fault at all, Vala."

"That's not how it looks to me," Vala replied. "You're the one hurting here."

"He'd never hurt me purposely," Sam insisted, realizing she believed the words with all her heart. "He's hurting too, that's why he's gone."

"I still think General O'Neill needs a big spanking!" Vala insisted.

Sam shook her head. Vala was Vala; some things would never change.

"Maybe I need one too," she quipped. "Do you know what I think we both need?"

Vala was silent realizing the time for jest was past.

Sam took advantage of her silence to answer her own question.

"We need to trust each other more."

TBC

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading; once more the reviews are so very encouraging.

Hope you stay tuned! Let's see if we can get these two back together.


	7. Chapter 7 The Accident

A/N: Now back to Jack and that scream …

**Chapter Seven: The Accident**

The scream was shattering. Hearing and responding to it came naturally.

The frantic sound flew from a small converted barn less than ten yards from the road, sitting just behind a low, neatly painted fence. The door to the wooden structure had been left open, and on this clear day, sound carried on the breeze.

Jack had no doubt it was a child's cry for help.

Shrill, high pitched and panicky, he'd heard enough of these cries over his years in the field. Screams of agony from men injured in battle, screams of terror from women watching their loved ones murdered, screams of innocent horror from those too young to defend themselves.

This was the horrified scream of a child.

Jack didn't think twice; he reacted. Instinctively, he swung himself over the two and half foot fence and ran to the barn door.

Inside were perhaps a dozen stalls converted to milking platforms on either side of the central aisle. And the place smelled of cow manure. That's all Jack had a chance to notice before the source of the screaming collided with him at full speed.

The terrified, crying screamer was a girl no more than five or six years old, dressed in worn coveralls and a short sleeved pink t-shirt. Her blond hair was in pig-tails. Jack was convinced she'd stopped screaming merely from the shock of seeing him standing there.

To her credit, she recovered quickly.

"Help Aaron!" she all but commanded, grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the stall at the far end of the barn.

In a matter of seconds Jack knew this was a life or death situation. On the floor of the end stall lay the inert body of a small child. Even from the entrance of the stall, Jack could see darkened hay beneath the boy's head. He'd been injured, possible stomped or kicked, and there was a lot of blood.

Standing over "Aaron" was one of the milking cows, an impressive, large animal. Jack knew little about farm animals, but this one did not look happy. Though the likely source of her consternation was no longer a threat, she continued to sputter and paw the ground near the child. Behind her was a much smaller animal, so much smaller, Jack realized it was her calf. He knew enough to realize the calf's presence explained a lot about momma's behavior. Most likely Aaron wanted to play with the calf and momma hadn't taken to the idea. Of course, the little girl's screaming probably didn't help much either. The animal was simply protecting her young.

He needed to get the boy out of there without further injury. After telling the little girl to go for her parents, he proceeded to distract the animal, first getting its attention with a series of odd, vintage Jack O'Neill techniques and then coaxing it out of its stall with the tempting offer of an early dinner. Once distracted, the cow crept the necessary distance to obtain her treat, the calf following dutifully behind her. While mother and child ate, Jack ran into the stall and scooped up the little boy in his arms.

The child's body was limp, his head bleeding profusely. Calmly carrying him out of the barn to avoid further agitating the cow, Jack listened intently for the sound of the child's breathing. He was too still. Once outside in the sunlight, Jack was relieved to see the shallow rise and fall of the boy's chest. _That much is good news_, he thought.

Before Jack could lay the child down, he was startled by the little girl's presence directly in front of him. She was alone. She wasn't screaming, but she looked scared.

"He'll be okay," Jack assured her, nodding toward the boy in his arms. "But we need to get him to a doctor. Where are your mom and dad?"

The girl shook her head silently.

Jack laid the injured child down in the back of a pick up truck parked outside the barn. Then he pulled out his cell and dialed 911. While making the call he pulled an extra shirt out of his pack and began to apply pressure to the child's head wound. _Help will be here soon, _he thought.

Looking up from the boy, Jack could see the farmhouse about thirty yards away, up a small hill.

"Come on, let's get him to your house."

The girl led the way, running the few yards to her front door. The door was open, Jack assumed she'd left it that way.

"Anyone home?" he called when no one appeared. "The boy's been injured. I've called an ambulance."

By now, Jack's newest friend had opened his eyes. He took one look at Jack and started to cry.

"Hey, it's okay buddy," Jack said. "I know that head hurts, but I'll take care of you. Besides your little friend's right here."

Jack nodded in the little girl's direction

The boy lifted his head slightly and looked at the girl who'd brought Jack to him.

"That's Cindy," the boy said simply. "Not friend, big sister," the smaller child added with a smile.

"Ah, Cindy," Jack said. He was grateful to have a name for now silent little girl.

OoOoOo

Paramedics arrived from the nearest town a full twenty minutes later. By then, both children were comfortable with Jack, acting as if they'd known him all their lives. Aaron was sitting up laughing at Jack's comedic antics. Cindy was talking again and showed no signs of stopping.

Waiting for the ambulance, Cindy and Aaron told Jack how their father had left home almost a week ago. They weren't sure if he was coming back. Neither child knew where to find their mother. Cindy was sure she'd been in the kitchen when they went out to the barn, but wasn't able to find her when Aaron was hurt.

As the paramedic examined Aaron, a young, thirty-something woman ran into the house. She'd panicked at the sight of the ambulance in front of her door and seeing strangers in her house with her children was only making it worse.

"What's going on?" she demanded. Her voice was strained and strident. "Aaron? Cindy? Seeing the ambulance crew tending to Aaron, her alarm escalated. "Oh, my God! What happened?"

"Mommy!" Aaron called as he squirmed away from the attentive workers.

Aaron's mother shoved her way past the paramedics to her son. While inspecting the boy's fresh head wound, she looked up at Jack. Her expression was hostile, full of accusation. He was clearly not with the ambulance crew.

"Who are you? What are you doing here?" she demanded.

"I'm Jack O'Neill, Ma'am," he replied calmly. "Just let the medics do their jobs and I'll be happy to tell you all about it."

"He saved Aaron," Cindy piped up.

"I was walking by, heard the kids screaming," Jack began to explain. The children's mother pulled back, giving the emergency workers access to their patient.

"Aaron tried to play with Bessie's baby," Cindy interrupted excitedly. "I told him not to. Bessie didn't like it. She knocked him down and kicked him!"

"Kicked him in the head, I'm afraid," Jack added. "I carried him out and here we are."

"Bessie was really mad, Mom," Cindy added.

The woman was clearly shaken and smelled of alcohol. But at least now she was assured Jack wasn't the cause of the problem.

"Thank God you were here," she said. "I'm Jessica, Jessica Keller. I went over to the next farm for a minute. I thought they'd be alright. They're very responsible children."

Right then, one of the EMTs interrupted.

"Mrs. Keller, your boy needs more thorough medical evaluation," the man said. "Mankato's got the nearest emergency room. They'll want X-rays and probably keep him overnight for observation. If we leave now, we can be there in thirty minutes tops. Recommend you follow us so you have a way home."

"Okay," Jessica replied. She seemed befuddled, clearly a bit shocked by the unexpected situation and worried about her son. Maybe even a little drunk, Jack thought.

"I want mommy," Aaron screamed as the paramedics attempted to move him out to the ambulance. "Come …" the frightened boy screamed, reaching out for his mom.

"Do you have anyone to come with you?" Jack asked Jessica Keller. A small inner voice told him he was getting himself in over his head, but he ignored it.

Moments later, there were car keys in his hand.

TBC

* * *

A/N: Please review!


	8. Chapter 8 New Friends

Chapter Eight: New Friends

With minimal persuasion, Jack drove the Kellers' old truck, following the ambulance all the way to Mankato. Jessica and Cindy accompanied Aaron in the ambulance. For the first time in months, Jack felt needed by someone. It was a good feeling.

An hour later, Aaron had been admitted to Mankato's community hospital. After an initial period of relatively alertness, he'd lapsed into a semi-conscious state by the time the ambulance arrived at the hospital. The little boy was now on his way to radiology where he would undergo an MRI to determine the extent of the damage.

In the waiting room, Jessica sat nervously, a finger restlessly twisting a strand of her long platinum blond hair. Next to her on the hard institutional settee, an exhausted, still frightened Cindy sat curled up to her mother's side.

Jack had decided he'd stay at the hospital with the Kellers until someone else came or at least Aaron was out of the woods. He figured Jessica would need that much support. It was clear the poor woman was at her wits end. She didn't need to be alone. At thirty-two years old, the tall, attractive blond reminded him of a certain Captain Doctor Carter who'd walked into his life many years ago. That Carter had needed him, in different and complicated ways, but she'd depended on him. He couldn't help feeling protective of her and now of Jessica. And he couldn't help missing Sam.

Returning from the hospital cafeteria with coffee for Jessica and chocolate milk for Cindy, the hero of the day caught sight of mother and child huddled together.

The two were unaware they were being observed; their thoughts were elsewhere, they looked so helpless, without a friend in the world. He could only imagine this family's story. Everyone had a story.

Jessica looked up as she realized Jack had returned. She held out her hand when he offered her a cup of steaming coffee.

"Thanks," she said.

"Don't mention it," Jack replied. Then he turned to Cindy.

"Chocolate milk," he said, "especially good for brave little girls who help their brothers." Then with a flourish, Jack produced a small gift from behind his back.

"And this is the story of a very brave lady who saves small children," he said producing a superhero storybook just begging to be colored, accompanied by a box of crayons.

Cindy smiled, hopped down off the settee and took her gift to the small table in front of the settee..

Then, remembering her manners, she ran back to Jack, threw her arms around his neck and whispered in his eard.

"Thank you, Jack."

"You're welcome, sweetheart," he replied.

Both Jack and Jessica watched for a moment as Cindy blithely returned to the table to sip chocolate milk and begin her new art project.

"I can't tell you how grateful I am," Jessica said. Although speaking to Jack, her attention was still focused on her little girl, now coloring to her heart's content.

"You're welcome," Jack said. "I'm glad I could help."

"I don't know anything about you," Jessica said, "and I handed you my car keys."

"Panic makes people do things like that," Jack answered.

"Good of you to say that," Jessica said gratefully. "I'm not much like myself lately. By the way, I don't usually drink in the morning either."

Jack held up his hand. "You don't owe me any explanations." Then he gestured toward Cindy, now sitting at the table with her back toward the adults.

"But I do owe my kids an explanation, right?"

Jack winced, nodded, but said nothing.

After a few minutes of thoughtful silence, Jessica decided to learn one or two things about her new friend.

"Where are you headed?" Jessica asked.

"I haven't decided," Jack said, "at least not yet."

"Don't take this the wrong way," she replied, "but you're not the usual type I see passing through on foot."

"Too old?"

"No, too nice," she clarified. "You know, polished, dignified."

"Who me?" Jack protested. Then pointing as his wrinkled sweatshirt, he wrinkled his nose. "Dignified, in this get up?"

Jessica laughed pleasantly.

"And married too," she observed, pointing toward the platinum band on his left ring finger."

"Yes, married," Jack admitted, suddenly feeling exposed and full of regret. "I'm married to a wonderful woman."

"Then what are you doing here?"

Jack sighed and looked away for a moment. He hadn't signed up for this confrontation when he's jumped that fence.

"Not sure I have an answer for that one," Jack said glibly. "What about you?" he countered, deciding to switch the focus. "You don't look like the type to be all alone in an emergency."

"Touché," Aaron's mother replied. "Something about a husband leaving on short notice tends to do that to a mother."

"What happened?"

"What didn't happen?" Jessica said. "Early midlife crisis … money problems, threatened foreclosure … he couldn't take it anymore. Funny how he assumed I could."

Jack listened to her words. Unbidden they plucked at his heartstrings and an unwelcome surge of guilt flooded his soul.

"That doesn't seem right," he said aloud. Jack was struggling to maintain his distance from the situation. He realized he had no say so in this family. In spite of their sudden familiarity, they were strangers. Still he felt a connection to these children. Sudden and irrevocable, something about saving a life, the bond was one of filial understanding. They shared in a common human struggle for survival.

"Does he know what happened to Aaron?" Jack persisted.

"I haven't called him," Jessica acknowledged. "He didn't bother to tell me where he was going."

"Does he have a cell?"

"He does."

"Does he have a name?" Jack quipped.

Jessica smiled and shook her head.

"Of course he does," she said. "His name's Tony."

"Call Tony," Jack said simply. "He's the one who should be here with you right now. He has a right to know about Aaron."

"I suppose he does," she said. "But I've tried to call a half dozen times since he's left. He doesn't pick up."

"Then you leave him a message," Jack said. "Let him know what's happening with his son. He's a father. He'll do the right thing."

Just then, the radiologist emerged from the MRI lab, accompanied by the trauma doctor who'd examined Aaron in the emergency room.

"Mr. and Mrs. Keller?"

Jessica stood up.

"I'm Mrs. Keller," she said. "I'm Aaron's mother. My husband's not here."

The radiologist looked at Jack, probably entertaining a variety of possibilities about his identity. _Let him entertain, _Jack thought.

"I see," the trauma doctor began. Then the experienced physician turned his attention to the task at hand. "Mrs. Keller, your son is stable for the moment. However, the MRI revealed a subdural hematoma, a collection of blood beneath the skull, most likely secondary to today's injury. He'll need surgery, the sooner the better. We'll need your permission."

"Yes, of course," she said shakily, "if it's necessary. Whatever he needs to make him better, do it."

OoOoOo

By nightfall, Aaron was in the recovery room. He'd come through the surgery with flying colors. According to the doctors he was expected to make a full recovery.

Jessica had settled down for the night by Aaron's bedside, while Jack remained in the lounge keeping an eye on Cindy, now fast asleep as well.

_What a day!_

Less than twelve hours ago, Jack hadn't so much as met these people. Now, here he was playing chauffeur, babysitter and major emotional support to the whole family.

_I can't believe that sorry excuse for a father isn't here yet_, he thought. Jessica had called her husband, Tony, right before the surgery. As she predicted, he hadn't picked up the phone, but she'd left a detailed message telling him what was happening, asking him to come. Before she'd left to spend the night by Aaron's bedside, she'd thanked Jack for the umpteenth time that day. Jack told her he'd been glad to help and hoped Tony would be here for her soon.

Finally, Jack had a few moments to himself. The past week he'd had all the solitude he wanted. Today, he'd been part of something again; he'd felt strong, needed. He was comfortable in the hero role, used to being the leader, the protector.

But this wasn't his family. Tempting as the emotional high was, these children, their mother, they weren't his to care for, not tonight and not after tonight.

He missed Sam. In the dim lighting of the patient lounge, he reached inside his pack and pulled out his journal and the worn photo of wife, the only one he'd carried with him for this journey. And while little Cindy slept by his side, he wrote.

_I don't belong here. Much as I want to help this family. I don't belong here. Acting like I'm a free agent with no responsibilities; who am I kidding? I'm a middle aged man, trying to act like a teenager. I've made a mess of things, worse than they were. Whatever Ba'al didn't manage to break, I've broken. I'll be lucky if Sam ever wants to see my sorry face again. Me and Tony, I've got an idea we'd make quite the pair._

OoOoOo

Early the next morning, Tony Keller arrived.

TBC

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! Positive and/or negative feedback would be much appreciated.


	9. Chapter 9 Everybody Has A Story

Chapter 9: Everybody Has a Story

At six foot, three inches tall and over two-hundred-twenty pounds, Tony Keller was an intimidating presence. Or at least he used to be.

He arrived at Mankato Community Hospital shortly before sunrise. As luck would have it, he'd been over five-hundred miles from home when he picked up his wife's text message. Rather than call and risk any sort of verbal recrimination, he'd caught the next available military junket from the nearest Air Force base and hightailed it to the hospital.

He'd moved quickly; at least as quickly as he could under the circumstances. Though the thirty-five year old honorably discharged Air Force Captain still hobbled rather unsteadily on crutches, his doctors assured him things were looking up. They'd all but promised him he'd regain complete use of his legs … eventually. Only problem was it wasn't happening soon enough to save his farm or his marriage.

When he arrived, Jessica was in the lounge with Jack, waiting while the nurses tended to Aaron. She hadn't expected her husband to come. Truth be told, she didn't know what to expect these days.

oOoOoO

Sam arrived back in Colorado Springs in the middle of the night.

She'd come back to an empty house with a confused and troubled heart.

Vala had offered to stay with her for a few days, but Sam assured her she'd be fine and that they'd see each other at work soon enough. More than that, Vala had encouraged her to track Jack down, reminding Sam she had limitless resources at her disposal, resources that would enable her to find anyone, even someone who didn't want to be found.

Sam had politely declined Vala's offer to play detective. Something about spending that day at the cabin, among Jack's things, seeing all the pictures that meant so much to her husband, Sara's, Charlie's, her own, all of that had convinced her Jack needed to do whatever he needed to do.

That admission was far from easy. But much about this current situation was out of her hands and far from easy.

That first night back from the cabin, she tried mightily to figure it all out rationally. After all, that was Samantha Carter O'Neill's primary mode of operation. That said, through her tears she mentally tallied what she knew and what she didn't know about the situation and what she could realistically do about it.

It didn't take long for this certifiable genius to understand there was little of logic in her current dilemma. She and Jack had both been terribly hurt and abused, for what seemed days on end by a maniacal, narcissistic sadist. Each of them had done what was needed to survive and now, each of them was dealing with the emotional fallout.

Jack had been helpless throughout most of the ordeal. Sam remembered her visceral reaction to his ongoing torture, her own despair at the near certainty he would succumb to his wounds before she could effect an escape, and her relief when against all odds they'd both survived. She'd been awake, working actively to affect their escape throughout the weeks of captivity. Though aware of most everything, Jack had remained a powerless victim. She knew him well enough to realize that was the ultimate torture for her husband.

If only they'd been able to work this through together. She needed him so much. Sam was having nightmares too, dreams of their lost child, of how things were supposed to be. Her arms ached for Jack and for the child they might never have. She didn't want to walk through this alone. She needed him by her side.

She had no doubt they loved each other, desperately, incontrovertibly, passionately.

So far love hadn't been enough to get them through this. Jack had withdrawn emotionally and in her own way, she had withdrawn into the role of his caretaker. As soon as he was physically able, Jack physically withdrew, determined to prove himself. For his own reasons he'd written that letter, the one freeing her, the one that had sent her head spinning only a few days ago. He saw himself as a burden, an albatross around her neck, keeping her from true happiness.

Only she knew how very wrong he was. At least partially wrong, she supposed. She needed a Jack O'Neill willing to talk things out, to share his heart with her, not a man who would continue to shut her out. Then again, she needed to let him in as well. She could only hope and pray they'd both figure it out. And she hoped someday soon they could do it together.

OoOoOo

Jessica stood up when she glimpsed Tony standing sheepishly at the entrance of the lounge. That was her husband, well trained, scoping out the terrain before he ventured in, but ready to take on all comers. Right now his eagle eyes were trained on the man sitting next to Cindy at the table, eating breakfast with his daughter and making her laugh with his outlandish mime routine.

The intensity of his gaze worried her for a moment. Tony had more than one jealous bone in his body. And although he'd walked out on her, she knew he still loved her. The last thing she needed was for her still handicapped husband to pick a fight with the man who saved Aaron's life. But in reality, she had nothing to worry about.

"Tony…" she called, breaking his study of Jack and drawing his attention. Jessica wasn't certain which feeling was strongest right now her relief at seeing him or her anger at his recent actions.

The sandy haired man's features softened as he laid eyes on his wife. He felt like a fool for leaving, but he'd never tell her that. Truth was he'd probably take off again as soon as he'd assured himself Aaron would be alright. Being with them now was too painful, too humiliating he told himself, but he couldn't stay away when his son needed him.

"Jess," he said softly, walking over to her carefully and fixing her with his eyes. He looked at her longingly, but kept his distance. Jessica sensed his resolve and kept hers as well.

"Where is he?" Tony asked.

"Aaron's in the room right around the corner," she replied. Before she could elaborate, Cindy had turned to her father's voice.

"Daddy!"

Cindy jumped up from the table and ran to her father. With practiced care, she threw her little arms around Tony's legs, taking precautions not to knock him off balance. Tony lay down the crutches and lowered himself to a seated position where he could pull Cindy onto his lap.

Jack walked over slowly to greet the man he'd immediately recognized.

"Captain Keller?"

"Yes, sir, General O'Neill, sir," Tony said. "You'll excuse me if I don't snap to attention."

"Of course, Tony," Jack said. "You'll notice I'm not exactly in uniform."

Both men smirked.

Jessica was speechless, but only for a moment.

"You two know each other?" Jessica asked. Then turning to her new friend, she asked for clarification. "General O'Neill?"

"That's me," Jack replied. "I had the pleasure of meeting your husband last year. The President and I were reviewing the troops in Iraq." Jack saw the wide-eyed look in Jessica's eyes.

"Enough of that," Jack said authoritatively. "We can sort through all that later; right now, you two go see your son."

"Me too," Cindy cried.

"You too, Princess," Tony agreed.

OoOoOo

Once the Kellers left the lounge to see Aaron, Jack's cell alerted him that he had a text message.

It was from Sam.

TBC

* * *

A/N: My heart is warming to this story and my Muse is working overtime. Hope you'll continue to stick with it, faithful readers. It is difficult to read stories with an estranged, separated Sam and Jack. I'm with you on that one. At this point, even I'm not sure exactly how this one will go, but remember, I'm a big fan of happy endings.

One more point: I'm reminding myself that I'm not a world famous author! Duh!I am first and foremost (at least when it comes to writing) a Sam and Jack fanfic writer and that's what my readers are most interested in. That said rest assured that even as I explore some of the Keller family history, all will be brought back as relevant to our favorite couple.

Please continue to let me know how I'm doing in telling the story and making it come together. I do want to hone my storytelling skills and depend on you for feedback.

Thanks!!


	10. Chapter 10 Surprise Soldier

**Chapter 10: Surprise Soldier**

_"Jack, _

_I miss you, _

_Love, Sam"_

It was a short message she'd sent before heading into work. Short and she hoped sweet.

How could she ever put everything she wanted him to know into a text message?

How could she tell him all he was to her? Tell him that whether or not he was physically able to make love to her, he was her husband. That sex, as glorious as it was, was only a part of what they had together.

If he wouldn't speak to her, she'd never be able to tell him what was in her heart. Even then, neither one of them was all that good at verbalizing feelings.

For now she'd have to wait.

OoOoOo

_I miss you._

It was a simple message. It touched Jack's heart just as Sam had hoped it would. Now as he sat alone holding the tiny piece of modern technology that had wordlessly delivered his wife's message, he missed her, powerfully. But it wasn't time, he wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to go back. He knew something had to change. He needed her, but he needed something else more. Only problem was he had no idea what that something was or where to find it.

_Enough said, enough for now_, he thought, sitting alone in the hospital lounge, frustrated with himself. _How did I end up like this?_

_Could this whole thing get any stranger?_ Jack wondered.

_Sam's the woman I love more than anything and I stay away from her. Well I suppose it's not the first time. But now I'm doing it voluntarily; I can't blame regulations. Maybe that's why it really took me so long to marry her in the first place. I never did believe I was good enough for Sam. Now, it's all caught up with me. _

_Seeing Keller reminds me of the man I used to be. Twenty years ago, young, strong, vital, black-ops in Iraq. I survived. I was strong; I could get through anything, just like he did. I survived that time. No one took care of me; I made it through myself._

_I only met Keller that one time, that two day tour in Iraq. The President dragged me along, probably because none of the other lackeys were available on short notice. Hell, I wasn't exactly well known by the run of the mill military brass, but at least I was a bona fide general and had a lot of hardware on my dress uniform for the parade. I looked good reviewing the troops._

_Captain Keller was a reservist; his unit had been called up a year earlier. He hadn't been in the reviewing line. Earlier that day, he'd been severely injured by a roadside bomb. He was in a makeshift MASH unit, awaiting evacuation to a regional military hospital. And he was afraid he might lose his legs altogether. I went in to see him. For whatever reason I couldn't bring myself to leave his side that night. He was alone. We talked all night, or at least until they knocked him out. _

_I'd like to think I got to know what made him tick._

_And here he is._

_I didn't recognize his name, but the face, the man's courage in the face of war, I could never forget that. Strange I should meet him again here, in the middle of nowhere._

_From what I can see, he's made amazing progress since Iraq._

_So why did he leave his wife alone with two kids and a home near foreclosure? How could anyone walk out on those kids? _

OoOoOo

That afternoon found Jack and Tony in the Kramer pick-up with Cindy belted in between them. The Kellers had decided Cindy needed to sleep in her own bed. Aaron was doing well and expected to be discharged within the next day or two. Jessica would stay with him while Tony cared for Cindy at home.

Besides, the farm needed attention, the cows needed to be fed and milked. And the corn, well the corn and fields need tending. Not that this was anything new these days.

With a bit of pleading, Jessica had arranged for a man from a neighboring farm to milk and feed the dozen cows in the Keller barn. Any further help would have cost monies the family could ill afford at this time. Jessica was delighted when Jack volunteered to stay on a few days to help out. Tony wasn't quite so thrilled, but he knew his family needed the help.

The drive back to the farm, without benefit of ambulance sirens, had taken nearly an hour. After a simple soup and sandwich supper, Tony set to the task of convincing his little girl it was bedtime. Left to her own devices, Cindy would've stayed up all night making sure her daddy wasn't going to leave again. So she did the next best thing. She made her new friend Jack promise to make him stay, at least till morning.

Four bedtime stories later, Cindy was fast asleep.

This left Tony and Jack to their own devices for the rest of the evening.

Since the Simpsons weren't on that night and the Kellers didn't have the DVD collection, the two stoic military types had plenty of time to catch up.

"Go ahead," Tony said as he handed Jack a beer and sat down with his own, "I know you want to ask."

Jack held out his hands and shrugged. He fancied himself the picture of naïve innocence.

"Who, me? Ask …?" Jack sputtered.

"How I could walk out on my little girl," Tony supplied.

"It's really not my business."

"Maybe not," Tony admitted. "But if you're gonna hang around and help us for awhile, I'd rather you understood what's going on with me. God knows Jessica doesn't get it."

"Tony, before you start, I'm not one to judge you," Jack said. "But you're right, I wonder."

"Yeah," Tony said. "Especially when my little girl thinks I'm gonna take off in the middle of the night when she's asleep. Don't think that doesn't get me."

"So …"

"I couldn't take it any more," Tony said, gesturing at his legs. "I wasn't any help around here. I couldn't do the work. I was a drain on them."

"You don't strike me as the kind to run out on his family," Jack stated as fact.

"I didn't see it that way," Tony said. "I thought I was doing them a favor."

"And that would be …"

"You saw me at that MASH unit," he said. "I had no movement in my legs. I'm not saying I'm ungrateful, but progress has been slow. I came back stateside six months ago. The VA kept me in rehab one month; then they sent me home. Said they'd work with me on an outpatient basis. Want to guess how far it is the nearest VA facility out here?"

Jack was willing to bet it wasn't very close by.

"Seventy five miles," Tony continued. "Cost of gas, added to my inability to drive at the beginning, well I didn't get there too often. I made progress on my own, again not quick enough. There's a lot of work to be done around here. When my unit was first called up, we were okay financially. We had a couple guys working part-time, keeping up the farm, doing the milking. After I was over there a year, well you know how things have been, investments went to hell…we had to let the guys go."

"See, that's part of what I don't get," Jack said. "How did you taking off help get the work done."

Tony snorted. "Of course it didn't help, but I wasn't contributing much being here either," he said. "Jessica was doing most of the manual labor; I was just something else for her to take care of. I was useless, unless you count the comic relief of tripping over my own two feet."

"I doubt your kids saw you as useless," Jack countered.

"Maybe it doesn't make sense, General, but I couldn't take it anymore. That look of pity on Jessica's face, the way she treated me like I was gonna break. Even the kids were careful around me, like they'd knock me over if they played around the house. I know you can't understand this, but I wasn't me anymore. I didn't know who the hell I was. I still don't. I'm supposed to take care of my family, provide for _them_. They're not supposed to have to take care of me. It's not right."

Jack felt as though the younger man were reading his mind, telling his story.

"I understand more than you think, Tony," Jack admitted.

"You don't think I'm a lousy father?"

"Like I said," Jack repeated, "I'm in no position to judge."

Tony nodded thoughtfully. Silently, he studied the man he remembered so clearly and so favorably from one chance meeting. Then he spoke his mind.

"Jessica told me you're passing through this way by yourself," Tony said. "I thought you told me about your wife that night, blond like Jessica wasn't she? She can't be too happy about your being gone."

"That's a story in itself, son," Jack said, bowing his head sadly, "that's a story in itself."

TBC

* * *

A/N: I want to take this opportunity to thank all my reviewers, especially my anonymous reviewers, who I never get the chance to respond to. You're all great and hearing from you is so encouraging.

Please let me know what you thought of this chapter - good or bad.


	11. Chapter 11 An Unexpected Ear

"_Jessica told me you're passing through this way by yourself," Tony said. "I thought you told me about your wife that night, blond like Jessica wasn't she? She can't be too happy about your being gone."_

"_That's a story in itself, son," Jack said, bowing his head sadly, "that's a story in itself."_

**

* * *

**

Chapter 11: An Unexpected Ear

"So," Tony prompted, "are you gonna tell me about it."

"Don't think you'd understand."

"What? The younger man asked. "With all due respect, Sir, after I just spilled my guts, that's not exactly fair."

"Fair?" Jack echoed quizzically. "What would you know about fair, Captain?"

For a moment the young reservist was afraid he'd pushed a superior officer, albeit one currently far from uniform or military role, a bit too far.

"You're right," Jack said, putting Tony out of his misery. "You want to hear about me and Sam? Simple truth is I'm an idiot. My wife is incredible. You have no idea." He stopped to take a long swig of the beer. "She's too good for me. I don't deserve her. I think she's finally figuring that out."

"How do you know that?" Tony prodded.

Jack stood up and started to pace. He hated this. He hated talking about himself period. But talking about him and Sam, with someone he barely knew, that was … different. In some ways, he supposed, it made it easier. None of the history was there, the investment of worrying what this man would think of him. Besides, there was the whole …Pot … Kettle… and the color Black story… this guy might understand.

"She doesn't trust me, not like she used to; used to trust me to be strong for her," Jack elaborated. "She doesn't think I can deal anymore, hides things from me, important things."

"Yeah, I get that …" Tony said in response to Jack's statement. "I think Jessica sees me that way too. Then I have to ask myself, 'is she right?' Maybe I can't handle things anymore. Hey, I did run out on her."

Jack swung around and glared at the younger man. But he was at a loss for words.

"I'm just saying," Tony added with a shrug.

Jack stretched his arms up over his head, then rubbed his hands through his still short military hair cut. Picking up a stray pencil from the table in front of him, he began to twirl it between his long fingers.

"I should be talking with Sam about this," he said, more to himself than anyone else.

"Maybe," Tony offered.

Jack knew he wasn't ready. In his inimitable fashion, he tried to shift the focus back to his new buddy. He wasn't prepared for how the attempt would boomerang.

"How did you feel when you got the message about Aaron?" Jack asked Tony.

"Like my heart had been ripped out," Tony replied without missing a beat. "I felt, still feel, like a colossal fool for leaving in the first place."

"Yeah," Jack said. "I know the feeling."

"You have kids?" Tony asked, innocently enough.

"Now?" Jack answered, doing his best to deflect the question. "No… I had a son who died a long time ago and ..." His voice drifted off unable to complete his thought. It was a topic he wouldn't discuss with this man he barely knew. It felt sacred, that much he needed to broach with Sam before anyone else.

"I'm sorry," Tony replied, sensing Jack's reticence to go any further. "Beer?"

Jack nodded.

Tony pulled himself up, grabbed his crutches and made his way to the kitchen. When he came back he had a six pack neatly tucked between each hand and crutch. He dropped the beer on a table in front of Jack.

"Looks like we'll be here awhile tonight," he said. "Might as well get comfortable."

OoOoOo

In the middle of the afternoon, recently back from a two day mission with SG-13, Daniel decided to pay Sam an overdue visit. Both he and Teal'c had been off world the past two days, leaving their friend largely to her own devices. From the scuttlebutt going around the base, the astrophysics genius hadn't left her lab in two days.

He knocked on the door jamb to announce his presence. Sam was so engrossed in her work, she didn't respond. Daniel walked in and stood directly in front of her, then waited another few minutes before she looked up and noticed him.

"Hi," she said belatedly.

"Hi…" he replied slowly. "You know, if I had been a Goa'uld …"

"If you had been a Goa'uld, Daniel, the station would have been on red alert, with klaxons blaring," Sam rejoined. "I'm focused on what I'm doing. So what?"

Daniel took a step back and held up his hands in mock surrender.

"Okay … I'm concerned, that's all."

"Fine, Daniel," she said, clearly irritated. "As it is, General Landry has me off the duty roster for Gate missions for another two weeks. Now you're telling me, you don't think I'm safe in my own lab. What am I supposed to think about that?"

Daniel took a seat. _Sam's a force to be reckoned with when she's angry. I'm glad she's on our side,_ he thought.

"Supposed to think?" Daniel began nonchalantly. "I don't know, maybe that your good friend is concerned about you."

Sam seemed to relent a bit, her expression softening. She took a deep breath and offered Daniel a make-up, somewhat forced smile.

"No word from Jack?"

"Nothing," she admitted, "not that I expected any response."

"You texted him?"

"Yeah, I did," she said. "I wanted him to know I'm thinking of him."

"If he doesn't know he's an idiot," Daniel mumbled.

Sam shook her head, ignoring the well meaning, frustrated comment. Daniel got the message, at least temporarily.

"I'm going for lunch," he said invitingly. "It's taco day, come'on."

"Not hungry, Daniel," she answered definitively.

"You have to eat," he persisted. "If nothing else, I'm sure they have that nasty blue Jello you like."

Sam smiled softly, but returned her attention to the disassembled naquadah reactor in front of her.

Daniel couldn't restrain himself. Here was his friend, not eating, not sleeping, while her husband was off on his voyage of self discovery.

"He's an ass for doing this to you," he said.

"Maybe…," Sam admitted, "but he's in a lot of pain."

Daniel exhaled sharply, silently reminding himself of the basic esteem in which he held his friend Jack O'Neill.

"You must really love him," he acknowledged finally.

Sam put down what she was doing and looked up at Daniel. In her eyes were tears and a profound sense of resignation to the inevitable.

"Don't get me wrong, Daniel," she said. "I _am_ angry with Jack for leaving, but right now, I'm more worried than anything. Sam stopped, struggling to compose herself as her voice broke and her eyes filled up. "I have to trust that Teal'c knows he's okay. He's been through so much."

"And so have you," Daniel replied. "Vala's right, it's time you started to nurture yourself as much as you did Jack before he left.

"Was that it?" Sam asked her friend, not really expecting an answer. "Was I smothering him, is that why he left? I almost wish that was it," she said answering her own question. "If only he'd given me a chance to explain."

OoOoOo

It was 0300 in Colorado Springs. It was the middle of the night in Minnesota as well. Jack was sleepless and knew Sam would be too. _Most likely_, he figured, _she's still in her lab._ Actually he hoped she was there as opposed to other possibilities, specifically being off world. At least her lab was safer. In fact, ever since he'd watched Jessica text Tony about Aaron's accident, he'd flashed to the possibility of Sam being injured when he was away. He had to admit, the thought terrified him.

Though he was by no means ready to go home, he had to hear her voice, even if it was to hear her scream at him for leaving. And he supposed she had every reason to be angry.

_Nothing ventured, nothing gained_, he thought.

And so, he dialed.

The ring tone startled Sam from a light sleep. She was in her lab, draped over a counter, exactly as Jack had pictured her.

"Carter," she answered.

"It's me .."

TBC

* * *

A/N: I know I'm evil to leave it there. But the next chapter will be up soon. Don't expect too much too soon. These two still have a way to go.

Please push the button to review! I love hearing from you!


	12. Chapter 12 Farm Work

_The ring tone startled Sam from a light sleep. She was in her lab, draped over a counter, exactly as Jack had pictured her._

"_Carter," she answered._

"_It's me .."_

**

* * *

**

Chapter 12: Farm Work

There was silence on the other end of the line.

Jack closed his eyes and swallowed hard. He wasn't sure he could handle it if she hung up.

Woken from a dreamless slumber, Sam hadn't checked the caller ID. She was more than a little surprised to hear her husband's voice.

"Jack …?"

That she'd said his name at all was reassuring to a man prepared for rejection. He half expected to hear a curt _"What do you want, Sir?"_

Instead a small, almost fragile voice sounded in his ear.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

_It would be easier if she yelled at me_, Jack thought. _The concern in her voice makes this harder than it already is._

"I'm okay, Sam," he replied. "But I miss you too," he continued, as if in reply to her day old text.

There was more silence. After a moment, Sam dared to ask what she most wanted to know.

"Are you coming home?"

"I can't," he said. "Not yet."

Jack hadn't said he _wasn't_ coming home. She heard that much loud and clear, but couldn't let it go.

"Not yet?" Sam echoed his words, hoping for more.

"I need time," he said. "I called to be sure you're alright."

"I'm _not_ alright," she said finally. "I'm worried sick!"

"I'm sorry," Jack said as sincerely as he could. "I love you …"

It was all he could say…for now. He hoped she'd understand.

"I'll call tomorrow night, if that's okay," he added.

"Of course its okay, Jack, but …" Sam stammered.

"Bye, Sam," he said. He knew he wasn't ready for the rest of the conversation they needed to have.

He hung up slowly, closed his eyes and begged her forgiveness.

OoOoOo

Two days later Jessica Keller woke up in her own bed. In was barely sunrise and Tony was already gone. Though they'd effectively slept singly, on opposite sides of the same bed last night his absence this morning concerned her. She couldn't help but wonder if he'd absconded once more in the middle of the night.

She and Tony brought Aaron home yesterday. The rambunctious four-year-old had made a full recovery. Medical follow-up appointments were scheduled with his pediatrician in the nearby small town. It was understood that any untoward symptoms would immediately be communicated to the surgeon in Mankato.

Jessica was relieved to come home and find the place in good condition, the carpet vacuumed, and the children's toys put away. Better yet, the yard around the house had been mowed, the garden weeded and the cows seemed to have survived the family crisis relatively unscathed.

Jack and Tony had worked non-stop to put the homestead in some semblance of order for Aaron's homecoming. Jessica was grateful, at least for Jack's efforts. The wandering Air Force General had saved her son, and volunteered to stay on temporarily to help get them back on their feet. Of course she was grateful. But when it came to Tony, she wasn't sure what to think. She didn't know if she'd ever be able to depend on him again. To put it mildly, her recently returned husband had some serious explaining to do.

Still, she had to admit Tony was right about some things. She _was_ frustrated with him for his lack of physical strength, especially when financial considerations made it next to impossible to pay hired help. Farm work was hard for able bodied men; it was next to impossible for someone struggling with a physical disability. And there were days she was sure her disappointment and fear had been clearly communicated to Tony.

She was deathly afraid of loosing a farm that had been in her family for generations.

The Keller farm was considerably larger than what Jack saw from the road that first day. Stretching over two hundred acres, Jessica certainly couldn't maintain the farm by herself and care for two small children. While Tony was in Iraq, she'd rented out a large part of the soybean acreage to a neighboring farmer. That provided a small income and insured those hundred acres would continue to be productive. It left a hundred or so acres of farmland planted with Keller corn, quickly approaching the knee high phase of its growth. And these acres needed attention. Herbicide and fertilizer applications were overdue in at least half of the area. There was a great deal of work to be done and little manpower, money or working machinery to do it proficiently.

Her fears were justified. Most likely, blaming Tony for them wasn't. Two things were indisputable as far as this Minnesota native was concerned: she loved her husband and he had no business leaving her.

Where they'd go from here was anybody's guess.

OoOoOo

When Jessica came downstairs, she found a short note from Tony telling her he and Jack had gone out to do "morning chores".

Forty minutes later, Jessica had finished preparing breakfast for her family. It was a tradition with her on days where there was early morning farm work to be done. All that was left was to tell everyone the meal was ready. But before she could walk out the door to find the men, they arrived of their own accord.

"Your timing's perfect," she said.

"You know me," Tony quipped. "Wherever there's food…"

"Smells good," Jack added. "We've had quite a morning already."

"Jack's cleared the overgrown sections out behind the house," Tony said. "It took longer with the rider mower, now the tractor's down, but it's done."

"And the cows are happy," Jack added, smirking at Tony.

"I aim to please," Keller quipped, referencing his success in finishing the milking operation this morning.

"Daddy," Cindy called, bounding down the stairs and running to her father. Of course Aaron had heard the noise and was only a couple feet behind his older sister, raring to go as well.

"Alright all of you," Jessica announced. "Breakfast is on; take a seat before it gets cold."

"Yes, Ma'am," Tony snapped.

Jessica gave him her typical look, shaking her head. Then looking at Jack, she said, "He thinks he's in the military or something."

It didn't take long for the hungry brood to devour the hearty fare. By then the kids had drifted to the den, where Sesame Street played babysitter while their parents made an offer to their houseguest.

"General, Tony and I have a proposition for you," Jessica began.

Jack winced at her use of his title.

"Please, I'll feel ten years older than I already am if you keep calling me General," he said. "Jack's fine."

"Okay, Jack," she replied, "but I think Tony will have a hard time with that."

Jack smirked. "I'll deal with him, don't worry." Then, "What can I do for you?"

"We've been thinking," she said. "I know you camped out on our couch the past two nights. We have a better offer for you."

"Is that so?"

"Yes, a small cottage around the back of the house," Tony said. "I'm sure you've seen it. If you're going to be staying for awhile, I think you'd be a lot more comfortable there. It's the least we can do, what with all the help you're giving us."

Jack nodded. He'd decided that some hard physical labor would be a good thing, at least for a few days. In the process, he'd be helping a struggling young couple he liked. Some more private accommodations would be great.

"Sounds good."

"It's settled then," she said. "The place will need some dusting and fixing up. No one's lived there for awhile."

"Not a problem," Jack said. "Believe me I've camped out in worse."

"I'll bet," Jessica said. "I've heard the stories from Tony."

"What stories would those be, Jess?" Tony teased. In days past she would have laughed and made a joke about Tony's tall tales of hiking a hundred clicks or more at a time. But nothing was very funny to Jess these days.

"Same old Air Force stories you always tell," she replied impatiently. Then she got up from the table and left to get Cindy ready for school.

OoOoOo

Tony and Jack cleaned up the kitchen while Jessica got Cindy ready to get on the bus.

"So you'll be staying in the shack out back," Tony began.

"Shack you say," Jack replied. "It sounded a lot more appealing when you called it a cottage."

"I'm sure it did," Tony laughed. "Seriously, it's not so bad. In fact it's where Jess and I lived when we were first married."

"How so?" Jack asked. "I thought this was your place."

"It is," Tony replied. "But nine years ago, when we were married it was her parents' place. She grew up here and wanted to stay. I'd just come off active duty and thought it was a good idea. That little cottage gave us the privacy we needed those first couple years.

"This used to be a much larger place, with lots of hands," he explained. "When Jessica was growing up they raised beef cattle, as well as the milking cows. They even had a few horses. Things changed a lot when her parents died a few years back. What with the economy and all, we sold off some land and a lot of the livestock. Just keeping up with the rest of it has been difficult, especially when my unit was called up last year."

Jack restrained himself. It was hard not to condemn the Captain about leaving his wife with these worries. But as the reality of his own actions became clearer and clearer, he didn't have much room for condemning Tony Keller.

"Are you planning on leaving again?" Jack asked

"Don't think I could stomach it," Tony answered. "After what happened to Aaron when I was gone, I feel worse about myself than I did in the first place. Doesn't mean Jessica won't make me sleep in the barn. She's pretty damn mad."

"Yeah," Jack said. "I'm picking up on that."

"You called Sam last night, didn't you?" Tony asked, trying to shift the focus.

"I did," Jack said. "I think she's pretty damned mad too. Got a right to be, I'd say."

"The two of us are quite a pair," Tony observed. "Where the hell do we go from here?"

"Not sure," Jack admitted, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. "But I have to start talking to my wife if I want this marriage to survive."

"What's stopping you?" the younger man queried more for himself than for Jack.

"That's an excellent question, Tony," Jack replied. "I'll get back to you when I know the answer."

TBC

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the delay in getting the chapter up. I know where I want this to go, but am having some struggles pulling it together, especially when real life interferes. There will be more this weekend, I promise. Changes are coming for both couples.

Thank you so much for taking the time to review. Your comments really help my sometimes stalled creative process!!


	13. Chapter 13 Repair and Refinance

_"What's stopping you?" the younger man queried more for himself than for Jack._

_"That's an excellent question, Tony," Jack replied. "I'll get back to you when I know the answer_."

* * *

Chapter 13: Repair and Refinance.

"_What's stopping me indeed?"_ Jack thought. He chuckled wryly to hear himself spontaneously using Teal'c's favorite exclamation

After a long day working on the farm, Jack shared supper with the Kellers. He stayed and played with Cindy and Aaron for awhile and discussed some plans with Tony and Jessica. He'd quickly become Uncle Jack to both the children. In an extremely brief time, this family had taught him a great deal. The Kellers had the children he and Sam longed for, but they were far from happy. Jessica and Tony were stuck, seldom really communicating with each other. It didn't take a rocket scientist to see the similarities, or learn the obvious lesson.

Before the sun went down, Jack excused himself and retired to the "cottage."

The Kellers had given the green light to his tentative plan. He needed to be alone, decide if he had the courage to put that plan into action.

The cottage wasn't bad. Jessica was right; it needed some fixing up like the rest of the homestead. But it was warm and cozy. In a way it reminded him of his cabin, minus the lake with no fish. There was an oversized fireplace in living room with an old wood mantle he was sure had been loaded with family pictures in days gone by. A small kitchen was connected to the living area and a breakfast nook was situated in front of a large east facing window. The single bedroom was relatively large and sported a queen sized bed. The bedroom window faced west and even now he could see the developing sunset over the cornfields.

_I wonder if Sam would like it here,_ he thought. The idea and the plan it generated surprised him. This was after all his wandering, his Kel'pram'teen, and he'd barely begun. He felt better here, felt needed in a way Sam no longer needed him. But she said she missed him. He knew he missed her. What was anything worth without the woman he loved?

_What I said to Keller is true_, he thought. _I need to talk to Sam, really talk to her._ _What's the worst that could happen?_

OoOoOo

Sam had finally gone home less than an hour ago. A determined Carolyn Lam insisted she get a good night's sleep in her own bed before she darkened the halls of the SGC again. And she'd made it a medical order that General Landry was more than happy to back up. Sam had reluctantly given in.

Home only reminded her of Jack. He'd been gone two weeks now. It wasn't all that long she supposed, but it was long enough. She couldn't forget that letter, his misguided idea that she didn't need him, that she was better off without him. But the phone call the other night, it had given her hope.

Her mind warned her she could be disappointed. She didn't care; hope was hope and she clung to it.

The house felt empty without Jack. That's the biggest reason she'd avoided coming home the past few days. Sure Jack had spent a lot of time in Washington before Ba'al, but even then he was with her, at least in spirit, phone calls and emails. So as she sat on the sofa, her legs curled up under her, she felt bereft and alone. Her thoughts turned to the ill-fated baby they'd nearly had, the one who would never be.

The phone started to ring in the next room. Sam seldom received calls on the land line. Then she remembered her cell battery had run down. When Carolyn rushed her out of the mountain, she'd left it charging in her office. Not that many people had her home number.

Sam wasted no time making her way to the phone. She picked up on the third ring.

"Jack?"

"Hi," he said. He was clearly relieved to hear her voice.

"Hi," Sam said, pulling up a chair and getting comfortable. "I'm glad you called back."

"Me too," he said. "You didn't answer your cell," he observed.

"Left it in the lab," she said. "Sorry."

"S'okay," he said. "But you had me worried there for a bit."

_I had you worried?_ Sam thought.

"We need to talk, Sam," Jack continued, "a lot."

"We do," she agreed. It wasn't the time to say much more, not until she could see him face to face.

"I'm staying with a family on a farm in Minnesota," Jack began. "There was an accident, their child was hurt and I got involved."

"Rescued the child, didn't you?" Sam said knowingly.

"What?"

"Rescued the child," Sam said. "That's what you do."

"I suppose," he said. "Anyway, I was wondering if we could talk, here, on the farm."

"You want me to come to you?"

"Yeah, that's it," Jack said. "Will you come, Sam?"

"Tell me where you are Jack," she said. "I'll be there."

"That's great," he said. "Fly into the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport and I'll pick you up."

"No," she replied. "Give me directions and I'll rent a car." Sam was willing to go to him but wanted to keep this on her terms as much as possible.

"Okay," Jack agreed. He could sense her caution and understood it fully. He gave her the directions.

"I've got it," Sam said. "I'll talk with Landry in the morning and see if I can get some leave." She waited, wondering how he'd react, whether he'd want her to stay for any length of time.

"Good, we need some time," he said. "Besides I've got a harvester that needs attention out here. I told the Kellers you'd have the engine up and running in no time."

"You want me to fix a tractor?"

"You know how much we both enjoy talking … figured you could use a distraction when you're out here," he said, praying Sam would follow his line of reasoning.

Miles away in Colorado Springs, Sam smiled, nearly giggled in fact. This was her husband, the man she knew. Jumping from saving their marriage to fixing farm equipment, Jack O'Neill always did have a strange sense of making difficult things doable, at least for others.

"Thanks," she replied after a moment. The lilt of her voice told Jack she understood what he was trying to do for her. Asking Sam to fix an engine was the equivalent of giving him a yoyo to occupy his time. "I'll bring my tool belt," she added.

On the Keller farm, in a small cottage, an aging Air Force general smiled and breathed a sigh of relief.

"I love you," he said.

"I know," she replied.

TBC

* * *

A/N: And now we're into the best part! Stay tuned for the fur to fly!


	14. Chapter 14 Love Strikes Back

**Chapter 14: Love Strikes Back**

"Daddy, daddy!"

Tony Keller tried to block out the incessant high pitched sound screaming at him, but it was no use.

"Daddy, why are you sleeping on the couch?"

His eyes still closed, the disabled Air Force reservist did his best to pretend he was still sleeping. But his wake up call wasn't buying the act.

Trying to dodge the knees that threatened to stab him in tender places, Tony rolled over to avoid Aaron's enthusiastic onslaught. Unfortunately, he'd forgotten an important fact. He was, as his son reminded him, on the couch. With a thump, Aaron's dad was unceremoniously deposited on the floor.

"Ouch!"

The giggles coming from Cindy and Aaron were unmistakable even to Tony's still sleep addled brain.

None the worse for wear, Tony slowly opened his eyes to the sight of his precious daughter and son, now kneeling carefully on either side of him.

"Sorry Daddy," Cindy said solemnly. Jessica had warned both children about roughhousing with their father after he returned from Iraq.

"No problem, sweetheart," Tony said, breaking into a foolish grin. "Come here, both of you."

Neither one of the active Keller children needed to be asked twice to play with their Dad. So they piled on, resulting in waves of hilarity issuing from the living room at a very early morning hour. Tony had pulled himself to a sitting position, one munchkin under each arm when a none-too –pleased bathrobe clad Jessica came to stand over them.

"Morning," Tony called jovially.

"Don't morning me," Jessica snapped. "What's going on here?"

"I'd say our two munchkins woke their Dad up to do his chores," Tony offered.

"Not do chores, Daddy," Aaron called. "Play with us."

"It's Saturday," Cindy added, "no school."

"Right you are!" Tony confirmed. As he spoke, he lifted each child off him in turn then pulled himself up on the couch. He knew when not to tangle with his wife. And in front of the children was one of those times.

"Okay, you two, go brush your teeth and you can come out and help me with Bessie and her friends," he directed. He knew the kids loved helping with the animals.

"Yay!" Aaron and Cindy didn't need to be told twice.

Once the kids had headed for the bathroom, Tony looked at his wife.

"Still mad, aren't you?"

"Yeah I'm still mad," she said, her voice a threatening calm. "You waltz back in here and they think everything's back to normal. How are we supposed to know you're going to stay?"

"Because I tell you so," he answered.

"You told me so when we were married," Jessica spat. "Obviously your promises don't mean very much."

With that she left the room.

OoOoOo

Later that morning, getting ready to drive the kids into town, Tony reflected on the past couple days.

This morning's blowup with Jessica was nothing compared to the night before. A discussion that started after the children were down for the night and Jack had taken off for the cottage had escalated to a shouting match. It was like Jack moving to the cottage gave Jessica the green light to let loose the anger she'd been holding inside.

_We were so loud shouting at each other, we had to take it outside so the kids wouldn't hear,_ Tony thought_. O'Neill must have heard. His __window had to be open._

_I wonder if the General's gonna fare much better when his wife shows up. She's a full bird Colonel, I hear. I bet she'll give him a piece of her mind._

_He's got balls, asking her to come up here, _he thought. _Must be why he's a General_.

_Watch and learn Keller__, watch and learn._

OoOoOo

At the cottage, Jack was busy preparing for Sam's arrival.

He'd spent the morning working the farm as he'd promised. By early afternoon he was dusting and vacuuming the small living space he hoped Sam would share with him for at least a day or two.

He was nervous.

On the one hand, this seemed like a perfect opportunity to be alone with Sam to work things out. There would be opportunities for distraction including kids, animals, hard work and even doohickeys for Sam to play with when the discussion got too hot. And yet, he was more uneasy than he'd ever been going into battle with the worst of the Goa'uld.

He'd left; he'd picked up and left only two weeks ago. And here he was asking her to come to him. It hadn't taken long for Jack to realize life was empty without her. Honestly, he'd known it would be, but in typical hero – or martyr – fashion, he'd decided to swallow the consequences so Sam could be happy.

The scenario hadn't been all that different from what had happened with Sara. Poor communication, a tragic loss and emotional withdrawal, followed soon after by separation. If he stayed true to form, divorce would come next. In his heart, he knew he didn't want it, he suspected Sam didn't either. Something about seeing this younger couple struggle with their demons had given him perspective.

He'd heard them outside last night. Hard as he'd tried not to eavesdrop, he'd heard Jessica rage at Tony about how he'd hurt her by leaving. And Tony yelled back about how she didn't respect him as a man and how useless he felt. He'd been tempted to run out and play referee, make them listen to each other. But he'd restrained himself; maybe the screaming would be the beginning of real communication.

He wondered how he and Sam would cross that bridge to honest communication about the things that stood between them. Or would they? He admitted to himself it might not be possible. For a man like him, talking didn't come easy, and Sam wasn't much better at it, not when it came right down to brass tacks.

They couldn't afford to skirt their feelings anymore. They'd been so happy, three short months ago, before this nightmare with Ba'al. They could get back there, they had to.

OoOoOo

She'd landed in the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport twice before, each time on her way to Jack's cabin in the far northern regions of the state. Each time she'd stepped off the plane full of excitement and anticipation, looking forward to a few precious days with Jack.

This time she was coming to meet Jack as well. But it was different. She was headed to a stranger's home, a farm in the middle of nowhere to meet a man she wasn't sure she knew anymore, a man who'd walked out on her without a word of warning.

Her emotions were a jumble. She missed him, worried about him, loved him, yet she wanted to beat him senseless for what he'd done. Didn't he know how much she loved him? Didn't he care to think about that before he left?

The energy of indignation fueled her as she retrieved her small overnight bag and made her way to the car rental area. Once there, she ordered the sleekest red convertible she could find; her only regret was not having a motorcycle at her disposal. The thrill of speeding down an interstate was a pale substitute for the rush of piloting an X-302 or a Wraith dart, but it would have to do.

It was a forty-five minute drive from the twin cities to Mankato and another forty-five or so to the rural address Jack had given her. She'd brought two of her favorite CDs, but as she slid in behind the wheel and started off down the road to the interstate, she had no interest in music. All she could think of was Jack. He'd run out on her, scared her half to death, but she couldn't wait to see his face. If anyone had told her a scant five years ago she'd even think of letting a man treat her like this, she'd have told them they were crazy.

Then her own guilt surfaced as it always did, reminding her of the final straw she knew had pushed Jack away from her. She'd meant it so innocently, to protect him. And look what had happened. If she could only turn back time and do things differently.

Her thoughts distracted by what ifs and self recriminations, Sam rocketed along the stretch of wide open highway, her long, unencumbered blond hair floating in the breeze. Jack was right, this was beautiful country. The rich, thick green of the farmland, the cornfields, the rows of sunflowers all beckoned as she passed the mile signs. The sun was warm on her face and she entertained thoughts that all could be well once again.

The sharp retort of a car horn startled her from her daydream. Now on a narrow two lane country road, Sam looked up to see a tanker truck approaching… in her lane. No, she had drifted into his. Only by virtue of well honed reflexes was she able to swerve out of the way of the oncoming truck. Adrenaline racing through her veins, she righted the car and continued on her way, racing even faster than before, now fully aware of the road beneath her. It wouldn't be long now.

TBC

* * *

A/N:Reviews please and thanks for reading. Sam arrives next chapter. Promise.


	15. Chapter 15 At First Sight

A/N: Yay! We're back up!

Welcome back to the story. I've missed posting and seeing all your encouraging reviews during the time fanfiction was out of commission. Please go back and review last few chapters to catch up on the story. Any comments are greatly appreciated!

**Last time**: _The sharp retort of a car horn startled her from her daydream. Now on a narrow two lane country road, Sam looked up to see a tanker truck approaching… in her lane. No, she had drifted into his. Only by virtue of well honed reflexes was she able to swerve out of the way of the oncoming truck. Adrenaline racing through her veins, she righted the car and continued on her way, racing even faster than before, now fully aware of the road beneath her. It wouldn't be long now._

**Chapter 15: At First Sight**

Not knowing what to expect, he waited for Sam to arrive.

Jessica had stopped by earlier that afternoon with a bouquet of fresh wildflowers.

They added a touch of beauty to the cottage.

Jack was glad for that. He'd gotten the place spit and polish, reminiscent of the "take-no- hostages" style cleaning he was trained in, first by his mother, later by his early military superiors.

Now he paced just outside the short white fence he'd jumped that first day. He was never good at waiting. Fortunately, Sam didn't keep him waiting long.

She barely slowed down as she pulled into the driveway, loose stone flying up under the spinning tires of her speeding vehicle.

By the time she opened the car door, Jack was at her side.

"Hi," he said. "In a hurry are we?"

She looked up at him, letting her eyes lock with his.

"Where to?" she asked, avoiding all semblance of pleasantries.

"I'm glad you're here," Jack said, straining to ignore the iciness of Sam's greeting.

She nodded, unfolding her long legs and stretching them out to stand by his side. Jack reached to take her bag. She let him. She didn't say a word.

"I'll take you to the cottage where I'm staying," he said, starting to walk away from the car with her bag. "Later, we'll go up to the main house and meet the Kellers."

"Wait," Sam called out.

Jack stopped and turned to face her again.

"Before we go anywhere, I have something for you," she said flatly.

With no more words, Sam's pulled back her right arm. Before he saw it coming, she slapped his face with a vengeance.

Jack winced, knocked off balance physically and emotionally by the unexpected attack.

"_Now_ we can go in," she said.

OoOoOo

Once inside the front door, Jack set down Sam's bag and turned to face his wife.

"I suppose I deserved that. Do I get to talk or do you want to kick my ass first?"

"I'm sorry," she said, wincing as she noticed the reddening welt on the left side of his face. She'd let him have it but good. "You're right, you did deserve it."

Unbidden, Sam's eyes started to fill up with tears. Jack didn't miss the change from outraged warrior to worried, wounded wife.

"I'm sorry," he echoed, daring to move towards her, intent on paving the way for a helpful, healing conversation.

Sam avoided his eyes and walked away into the small kitchen.

"There's Diet Coke in the refrigerator," Jack offered, "blue Jello too."

For whatever reason, that did it. The dam holding back the more tender emotions crumbled. Sam turned toward him; the tears falling unrestrained down her cheeks. Jack's heart broke to see her this way. Though he wanted to pull her into his arms, he knew enough to wait for her to make the first move.

He didn't have to wait long.

As if asking for permission, the same woman who'd smacked him in the face by way of greeting a moment ago now held his eyes with hers. When he opened his arms in invitation, she was there.

Despite her resolution to be angry with Jack, Sam crumpled in his arms, sobbing her relief at finding him alive, well, and ready to greet her with open arms. Refusing to break the spell of the moment, she enjoyed the warm comfort she'd always found in this man's all- encompassing embrace, his strong arms wrapped reassuringly around her. Without conscious thought, she murmured "I love you" as his face nuzzled her neck. She heard her husband mutter the same words in return, his voice thick with emotion. And she knew the sentiment was real. She also knew after all this time that love was not enough. There was hard work to be done.

And so, she pulled back. She pulled away from the comforting arms she'd longed to feel wrapped around her. Jack's head came up, his gentled, now misty brown eyes focused on her tear stained face. Holding each other at arms' length, they began the work of the day.

"Come on," he said. "Let's sit, okay?"

Sam followed Jack to the small living area. She sat down on the opposite end of the sofa, turning to face him. Both lapsed into silence, taking in the welcome sight of the other, unsure of where to go from here.

Jack had taken the initiative to bring her here. He knew he needed to start the ball rolling.

"I want you to be happy," he said.

Sam nodded, watching Jack's face. She knew how hard this was for him. And she knew her initial reaction hadn't made it any easier. The least she could do now was to listen.

"I never wanted to hurt you," he continued. "But I know I did. I'm sorry."

Sam nodded silently.

She wasn't going to let him off the hook; she'd wait and see what he had to say for himself.

"I want to protect you, Sam," Jack said. "Much as I know you can take care of yourself, I want to keep you safe. I love you. When you're hurt, I feel like I haven't done my job. It's my responsibility to protect the people I love, you most of all."

He'd already said more to explain his actions than he thought he could. Still she wasn't making it easy for him.

"Knowing how you suffered when we were with Ba'al, how you were left alone to figure a way out, to watch what he did to me … Sam, I wanted to help, keep you safe. But I didn't. I couldn't. As much as I wanted to, I was useless.

"At the end, you saved all of us," Jack continued, effectively reliving those final harrowing moments of paralyzed captivity. "You were hurt and our baby died."

_There I said it_, he thought. _It's up to Sam now. She has to talk to me. Trust me enough to talk to me. I don't know what else to do._

Sam knew it was her turn. If anything would be resolved by this trip, now was the time to start.

Heart aching with the intensity of her emotions, Sam decided to tell him everything.

"I thought you'd suffered enough," she said. Simple honesty was the best she could do at this moment. "Jack, the worst part of being on that god-forsaken planet was seeing what he did to you, day after day, how you suffered. Each time he took you was worse. And I couldn't stop it.

"Damn it, Jack," she said, her tears flowing freely once again, "don't you get it? I feel as responsible to protect you as you feel towards me. I love you … you… you stubborn… man!" In frustration, she jumped to her feet and started to rant.

"After all this time," she said, "you think protecting is your job, what, because you've got barrels of testosterone coursing through your veins?"

Jack swallowed, took a deep breath and got to his feet as well.

"That's not what this is about," he countered.

"Isn't it?" Sam spat. "Isn't it exactly what this is about? Some leftover alpha male pride, where you're responsible to watch over everything, including _your_ damsel in distress? Isn't that why you ran, couldn't stay and work this out with me? What? Don't you think I needed you? If you think you let me down, you're right. But it wasn't when Ba'al was torturing us. It was when you gave up on us, when you walked away!"

Jack stood less than three feet from her. Silently, he turned away. Looking out the window onto the peaceful, sun drenched fields, he wanted … he didn't know what. He wanted to make her understand … he wanted to avoid the pain of the moment … he wanted to take her in his arms. Instead, he stood silent, looking out the window, protecting …his heart. Talking about the baby, their baby, the child who would never be, because of him, that was too hard.

"Talk to me," Sam pleaded.

Jack turned to face her, his face a mask of pain.

"I want to," he admitted. "I'm not sure I know how."

Sam believed him. Finally she reached out to him. He took her hand.

"I needed to hear about the baby from you," Jack said. "I overheard you in the infirmary. I waited for you to tell me."

Sam bit her lip, her guilt now in full force.

"You wanted to protect me," Jack said for her.

She nodded. She was as guilty as he.

"And it was too hard to talk about," she admitted. "It's still hard."

Jack stood as close as possible to her. He squeezed her hand in his and said softly, "For me too, Sam."

And she was in his arms again.

TBC

* * *

A/N: Okay, I'm crying. How about you?

I've missed hearing from you the past few days! Please review!!


	16. Chapter 16 Only the Beginning

_She nodded. She was as guilty as he._

"_And it was too hard to talk about," she admitted. "It's still hard."_

_Jack stood as close as possible to her. He squeezed her hand in his and said softly, "For me too, Sam."_

_And she was in his arms again_.

**

* * *

**

Chapter 16: Only the Beginning

Falling back into silence, Jack led his tearful wife outside, the promise of natural beauty and, better yet, distraction, luring them both. Perhaps a walk in this charming, bucolic setting would help settle their turbulent emotions. They could hope.

The stunning stillness of the midsummer's day was a stark contrast to the storm brewing within their hearts. For a few blessed moments, each of them pretended all was well. If only they could turn back time and escape to those days of bliss on their "moon base"*, their own private island, safe from everything. In the quiet recesses of their hearts, the two lovers feared they might never return there at all, physically or emotionally.

Here they were, walking towards the fields of someone else's farm. Hand in hand, fingers threaded with each others, acutely aware they were at a crossroads. From here, they could choose to go their separate ways or they could forge a new, unbreakable bond that would last a lifetime. It was up to them, completely in their hands. It wasn't the fate of the world, but the challenge was no less difficult.

They walked along for a bit, silently lost in their own thoughts. The interruption, when it came, was unexpected.

"Uncle Jack!"

From behind, Jack heard Cindy's voice calling insistently.

"Uncle Jack, Uncle Jack!"

The persistent six-year -old was not about to be deterred and leave them in peace. Realizing that simple fact, Jack and Sam turned around as one, allowing Jessica and Tony's daughter to catch up with them. Cindy happily threw her little arms around Jack's legs by way of greeting. She was glad to catch up with him; she'd been looking for her favorite playmate most of the afternoon.

"Hey," Jack said, giving in to the inevitable. "How's the cutest little girl I know?"

"Just fine, thank you," Cindy said in her best imitation of adult parlance.

"Remember the special lady I told you about?" Jack asked.

"Yep, I remember," Cindy said, turning to Sam.

"Well this is my wife, Sam."

"Hi Cindy," Sam said, getting down on her knees to come eye to eye with the little girl.

"Hi Sam," she said. "Uncle Jack said you were pretty, like my mommy. He was right!"

Sam smiled warmly at the tiny girl.

"Thank you."

It was the first smile Jack had seen from Sam since she'd arrived earlier that afternoon. That in itself was a major accomplishment as far as he was concerned. _No one better than a cute kid to put a smile on someone's face_, he thought. _Might as well make the most of it._

"Sam and I were just taking a walk," Jack said. "Would you like to show us around?"

"Oh yes," the first-grader enthused. "Let's take Sam to meet Bessie and Katy!"

Sam looked puzzled.

"The barn…," Jack began.

"Katy is Bessie's baby calf," Cindy explained. "But don't try to play with her. Bessie doesn't like it." Her little brother's recent experience was clearly etched in Cindy's mind. She wasn't about to repeat his mistake.

"Come on," Cindy beckoned, taking Sam by the hand and tugging.

Sam turned to Jack, flashing him a helpless smile. He knew he was on the right track. _Cindy's just what the doctor ordered_, he thought.

Heading for the barn, Cindy and the O'Neills crossed paths with Jessica, little Aaron hanging onto her skirts. Seeing the stranger with Jack, the small boy was suddenly struck by shyness.

"This must be Sam," Jessica said, walking over to greet her new guest. "Jack's told us all about you. You're very welcome here for as long as you care to stay."

"Sam, this is Jessica Keller," Jack said. "Her family's owned this farm for over fifty years."

"She's my mom," Aaron added tentatively, "you look like her."

Sam smiled, first at Aaron and then at the other woman. Sure enough, Sam realized, Jessica's shoulder length blond hair and tall, athletic figure reminded Sam of her own younger days. Before she could say anything in response, they were joined by the final member of the family.

"Hey, when were you bringing her over to say hello, General?" Tony asked as he made his way out of the equipment shed to join his family.

"We were on our way," Jack assured him. "Sam just got here."

"Welcome, Ma'am," Tony said. "I hear you're gonna fix our tractor."

Sam shot Jack a withering look. Tony grinned, Jack shook his head.

"Possibly, but not this afternoon," Sam said as amiably as she could. Then, squeezing Cindy's hand, "First, I want to meet Cindy's friends."

Tony Keller's daughter beamed her delight.

OoOoOo

The initially welcome distraction lasted a lot longer than anticipated.

Like many young children, Cindy was fascinated by the miracle of birth and the development of young animals. Under the now much more watchful eye of her mother, she was allowed to feed Bessie and her calf Katy once a day, so long as she was supervised by an adult. Today, she'd enlisted Jack and Sam as her companions for a little visit to the new family. In the process she'd done her six-year-old best to explain both the milking operation and how little Katy had made her way out of her mommy's tummy. That was after she'd pointed out every last distinguishing feature of most every cow in the barn. Still, Cindy was cute and engaging through it all and Sam was smiling and laughing. For that Jack was grateful.

Unfortunately, what started as a simple, wholesome experience of country living ended up triggering a powerful wave of emotion.

All was going well, Cindy and Sam petting and feeding the animals while Jack stood back and watched. Then Cindy, completely enthralled with the idea of babies, animal or otherwise, decided to learn more about her new friend.

While gently feeding Bessie's calf by hand, Cindy turned to Sam with innocent curiosity.

"Do you have any babies?" the girl asked.

Sam was surprised by the initial impact of the simple question. But she recovered quickly.

"No, honey," Sam said. "I don't."

Not quite satisfied, the little girl persisted.

"Why not?" Cindy asked. "Don't you like babies?"

In the deepening late afternoon shadows of the barn, Jack could see Sam's face pale.

His wife turned away from the animals to face Cindy. Strong military officer that she was, she schooled her features to reveal nothing of her true feelings. Still to the man who loved her, her dismay was palpable. "I like babies very much, Cindy," she said flatly. "I just can't have any."

Then Sam excused herself. She knew she was overreacting, but she had to get out of here.

"I think we've fed this little one too much already," Sam said, indicating the young calf happily munching on the latest treat Cindy offered.

Cindy nodded in understanding.

"Okay," Cindy agreed. "We don't want Bessie to be mad at us."

"No, we don't," Sam said. "Come on, I bet your parents are looking for you."

Overwhelmed with emotion she hadn't expected, Sam started to leave the barn. Concerned, Jack followed her closely.

"Sam?"

Sure enough, when she turned to face him there were tears in her eyes.

"Come on," he said. "I'll get us some supper."

"No, I'm not staying," she said, her voice resolute.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm going back to Mankato for the night. I have a motel room. I'll be back in the morning.

"Sam," he said. "Don't do this."

"I can't do _anything_, not tonight," she insisted hotly.

"We need to grieve the baby together," he said, his eyes willing her to agree.

"Maybe you should have thought of that before you walked out!"

With that she stalked away from the barn and towards the gravel lined driveway where she'd parked the rental. Without looking back, she got in, started the ignition and sped off down the country road that brought her here earlier today.

Jack could only watch.

TBC

* * *

A/N: 1) *For anyone who doesn't remember Jack and Sam's _moonbase_, please reference Chapter 1 of Agony of Spirit.

2) thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your generous reviews.

3) What do you think of this chapter? Please review.

* * *


	17. Chapter 17 Just Rewards

"_We need to grieve this together," he said, his eyes willing her to agree._

"_Maybe you should have thought of that before you walked out!"_

_With that she stalked away from the barn and towards the gravel lined driveway where she'd parked the rental. Without locking back, she got in, started the ignition and sped off down the country road that brought her here earlier today._

_Jack could only watch._

**

* * *

**

Chapter 17: Just Rewards

Tony was standing outside the barn when Sam stormed out. Jack and Cindy weren't far behind her.

Cindy ran right up to her father. Clearly upset, she stretched out her arms. He bent over to pick her up.

"What happened?" Tony asked.

A sensitive little girl, worried she'd done something to upset her new friend, Cindy looked sadly into her dad's eyes.

"Sam likes babies, but she doesn't have any," she said. "I made her mad."

Hearing this, Jack was quick to set the little girl straight.

"No, sweetheart," he said. "You didn't make Sam mad. It's not your fault."

"I'm sorry," Tony said, having overhead some of what was said in the barn. "I had no idea."

"Of course you didn't," Jack responded. "Kids say things. It was a perfectly normal question. Bad timing is all."

Jack wanted to go after Sam. He suspected she wouldn't like that one iota. In many ways they were so much alike. Private people who loved each other fiercely, but still prized their independence. It made these moments more difficult that they already were.

But she was upset. He didn't want her to be alone. He'd left her alone long enough already.

"She shouldn't be by herself right now," Jack said as much to himself as to Tony. Then he turned to the younger man and asked, "Can I borrow the truck?"

"General, you're welcome to use the truck," Tony said. "But do you think it's a good idea?"

"What?"

"Going after her right now," Tony said. "I know there are times Jess _wants_ to be alone. Those times chasing her just makes it worse. "

"I don't know," Jack admitted. "It looks like I don't know much about my wife anymore."

OoOoOo

In the long run, Jack decided not to follow Sam.

Not surprisingly, he was unable to sleep that night. Rather than toss and turn, he sat up in the living area of the cottage, reading by the light of a single lamp. Though he turned the pages and stared at the words, he had no idea what he was reading. His head and his heart were in Mankato.

He mulled over the words he'd heard Sam say to Cindy in the barn that afternoon. Over and over they played in his head, occupying the pregnant silence of the cabin. He wasn't sure what to think. He wouldn't be until he asked Sam.

At 0200, he heard the telltale sound of a vehicle crunching over the loose gravel in the driveway. A car door opened and closed.

Seconds later there was a small knock at the door.

He opened it.

Sam was standing on the porch in the sleeveless shirt and Bermuda shorts she'd worn earlier that day, with no protection from the evening chill. She'd been crying. She was crying still, tears running down her face, her eyes puffy. And she was looking directly at him, struggling to find her voice.

Finally, she spoke her heart's desire.

"I need you," she said pleadingly.

Instinctively, Jack wrapped his arms around her and led her into the cottage.

OoOoOo

First light found the O'Neills wrapped in each other's arms, perched on the old sofa in the cottage's main room. They hadn't made it any further.

Sam had cried herself out in Jack's arms. As he comforted her, Jack shed a few tears of his own. With very few words they'd fallen asleep, their emotions wordlessly purged at least for the moment. Their sleep was dreamless, finally broken by the sunlight coming through the window and the sounds of the farm waking up.

As Sam sensed the first stirrings of wakefulness, she felt Jack's lips gently kissing her forehead, his hand supporting her head, smoothing her hair. It felt good. He felt good; it felt right to be here in his arms. Opening her eyes she saw him studying her. Without a conscious thought she smiled radiantly. He returned the sentiment.

"Good morning," Jack whispered, almost afraid to break the spell.

"Yes, it is," Sam answered. She was content to simply agree with him. Without a doubt it was the best morning for both of them in a long while.

"I should've stayed," she said.

"Me too," he agreed, referring to his ill-conceived departure more than two weeks ago.

"We've always been a good team," Sam said.

"The best," Jack agreed.

"We're better together than apart."

Jack nodded.

"I should've handled things differently," he admitted. "I knew you were hurting, I didn't know what to say."

"I didn't give you a chance," Sam acknowledged. "I didn't even tell you what was really wrong."

"The shrinks would call that denial, you know," Jack said.

"Maybe…"

"Now we can't pretend …"

"I'm glad," she said. "It's too hard doing this alone, crying alone."

Jack pulled her back against his chest, smoothing her silky blond locks down her back, feeling the rise and fall of her rhythmic breathing, drawing strength from her presence.

"How old?" he asked.

Sam knew exactly what her husband was asking.

"Not even three months," she said. "Carolyn thought she was about eleven weeks."

"She?"

"Yeah, our baby was a little girl."

Jack took a deep breath and squeezed Sam more tightly.

"I wish it happened differently," she murmured against his chest.

"Me too."

OoOoOo

Later that morning Jack cooked breakfast for Sam. By the time they sat down to eat, it was nearly noon.

Sam hadn't eaten since lunch the day before and she was famished. Still food took second place; her attention remained focused on Jack throughout the meal.

"I'm still in love with you," she announced in the middle of a plate of scrambled eggs.

"Good," he admitted, the words garbled by a mouthful of eggs and the happiest smirk in days, "because I'm in love with you."

Sam smiled, her hand lying calmly on top of his.

"This marriage not working isn't an option, you know," she said.

"My thoughts exactly," Jack replied. "We went through too much to give up now. We're tougher than this."

Sam nodded silently. Painfully aware that much more needed to be discussed, she decided to make the most of the moment.

"We're gonna make it, Sir," she said, the twinkle in her eye unmistakable.

"Yes, Carter," he replied. "Yes we are."

"After breakfast, let's go fix that tractor," she said

TBC

* * *

A/N: Posted this at work today, as my home internet connection is down! Hope its back up soon!

Anyway thanks for your reviews and for paying such close attention to the dialogue (those of you who picked up the telltale line of dialogue know who you are).

Please let me know what you think of this chapter!


	18. Chapter 18 Girl Talk

"_We're gonna make it, Sir," she said, the twinkle in her eye unmistakable._

"_Yes, Carter," he replied. "Yes we are."_

"_After breakfast, let's go fix that tractor," she said_

**

* * *

**

Chapter 18: Girl Talk

It was a warm dog day afternoon in southern Minnesota.

The Keller tractor had been out of commission for a few months now. In the midst of ongoing financial belt tightening, Jessica had managed to put together enough money to buy the needed parts, but the cost of labor had been out of the question.

Now, free labor was available. Jack assured the Kellers his wife could fix any mechanical doohickey with one hand tied behind her back. They'd taken him at his word, particularly today when Sam had volunteered to do the job.

Jack and Tony had gone into town to pick up parts, leaving Aaron with Jessica. Cindy wasn't due home on the bus for another hour. That left Sam and Jessica some time to get acquainted.

Sam had walked over from the cottage and was trying to help Jessica hang the wash. Struggling with the clothespins, she'd already dropped two freshly laundered sheets on the ground. And she was getting frustrated with herself.

"Sorry," she said for the second time in as many minutes. "I don't think I've hung clothes outside before. I'm all thumbs."

"A dryer baby, huh?" Jessica quipped.

"'Fraid so," Sam admitted. "I'm a city girl, through and through.

"I don't know about that," Jessica said. "I hear you fix tractors."

"I fix _engines_," Sam corrected.

"Oh… so, you're like a mechanic …" the young mother offered.

"Actually, an astrophysicist," Sam clarified.

Jessica stopped what she was doing and turned to face Sam.

"Wow," she said. "I'm impressed. That's like a really, really smart scientist, right?"

Sam chuckled.

"Some days I am," she admitted.

"So we have an astrophysicist fixing our tractor," Jessica said.

"Overqualified?"

They both laughed.

"Come on," Jessica said, shaking out the sheet Sam had dropped and deftly hanging it on the clothesline. "Let's take a break. Want to conserve your energy for the tractor once the guys get back."

OoOoOo

With the mid-afternoon temperature over ninety humid degrees, Sam was relieved to follow Jessica into the air conditioned farmhouse.

The Keller home was charming. Most of the furnishings were simple and somewhat rustic, definitely not new, some most likely antiques. The kitchen, where they settled down at a small table to visit and drink tea, was painted a bright cheerful shade of yellow with contrasting accent pieces and vintage appliances. It was homey and serviceable.

_It's what Pete thought I wanted_, Sam remembered. _At least it's what he wanted_.

As Sam took in her surroundings, Jessica poured tea and offered an observation that pulled her out of her reverie.

"The two of you look great together," Jessica said.

Sam looked up, a little surprised.

"You and Jack," Jessica clarified.

Sam smiled.

"Thanks," she said. "We've worked together a long time."

Jessica sipped her tea and regarded Sam thoughtfully.

"Worked together?"

Sam nodded.

"We served together before he was promoted out of my chain of command."

"That's right," Jessica said. "I forgot you're _Colonel_ O'Neill."

"Guilty as charged," Sam smiled. "It's Carter at work, actually."

Jessica nodded her understanding about the use of her professional name at work.

"So, you weren't married then, when you served together?"

"Oh no," Sam said, her mind going back to the struggles of those days. Somehow they seemed simple when compared with today's challenges. "Not even close, couldn't admit how we felt about each other."

Jessica winced.

"Military regulations?" she rightly guessed.

"Yep," Sam replied. "We danced around our feelings for a long time."

"Must have been hard, if you were in love," Jessica said.

"Very," Sam confirmed.

"Were you in combat situations together?"

Sam nodded silently, acutely aware how little she could share with this woman.

"Iraq or Afghanistan?"

"Not exactly," Sam replied, realizing it was hardly an answer.

Jessica had learned enough about the military from her role as an Air Force wife to get the picture.

"Even though Tony is a reservist now," she said. "I remember enough to know we're talking 'need to know' here. Am I right?"

"Absolutely," Sam said. "Thanks for understanding."

Talking with Jessica Keller was easier than Sam expected.

"Must have been hard for one of you seeing the other in danger," Jessica went on, trying to imagine what it would have been like to serve on the front lines with Tony.

"It was terrible," Sam agreed, "for both of us. I suppose that's why the frat rules are there in the first place. You know, so emotions don't get in the way."

"I'll bet they did anyway," Jessica guessed.

"Not really," Sam said honestly. "We worked hard to keep everything tucked away in this little room we'd agreed on a long time ago. In some ways, I think we forgot how much we meant to each other."

Jessica took a deep breath and looked away.

"It happens, doesn't it," she murmured to no one in particular.

"Excuse me?" Sam said.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Jessica replied. "I went off on my own for a minute there. I was just thinking. It's easy to forget how much someone means to you."

"Strange, isn't it?" Sam said. "It's easy to take the one you love the most for granted."

Jessica regarded Samantha Carter O'Neill as she might a kindred spirit.

Sam continued. "As much as I love Jack, sometimes it's easier to keep things to myself than talk with him about problems."

"I guess I'm strange too then," Jessica admitted. "Sometimes I think if Tony and I don't talk about a big problem, it'll go away."

"Doesn't though," Sam said. "Its worse, the more I don't talk with Jack, the harder it gets to say what really matters."

Jessica realized Sam wasn't sharing the actual problem with her and she had the good sense not to push.

"You two looked happy when he left this morning," Jessica Keller observed.

Sam smiled almost shyly.

"We talked last night, for the first time in awhile," she said. "We started to talk about something I'd hidden from him. Things have been hard the past few weeks."

"That why you slapped him in the face when you first got here?"

"You saw that?"

"Big windows."

"Wow," Sam said, "nothing like airing your dirty laundry in front of complete strangers."

"Believe me," Jessica assured her. "I'm not in a position to judge."

Sam smiled pleasantly

"Making a marriage work isn't easy," Jessica said.

"How long have you and Tony been together?" Sam asked, happy for opportunity to shift the focus if only a little.

"Ten years," Jessica replied. "We lived in the cottage and worked the farm with my parents when we were first married. It was great."

"And then?"

"And then my parents died, we moved into this house, the kids were born and the rest as they say is history."

"Why'd he leave?"

Jessica shook her head, then pulled away from the table and stood up.

"I'm sorry," Sam offered. "It's none of my business."

"No, it's okay," Jessica insisted. "Maybe if I talk about it with you, I'll learn to talk about it with Tony."

"You think it's that easy?"

"Maybe not, but it can't hurt."

TBC

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A/N: This will most likely be the last chapter until Monday. My internet server at home is shot so I can't post till I return to work Monday. Only good news is I might get to write a few more chapters over the weekend. Sad news is I don't get to read your reviews for awhile! Talk about internet withdrawal! Hope to see a big pile in my box on Monday!


	19. Chapter 19 A Mirror Dimly

A/N: Thanks for your patience over the weekend. As a reward, here's a nice long chapter.

**Last Time**: _"I'm sorry," Sam offered. "It's none of my business."_

"_No, it's okay," Jessica insisted. "Maybe if I talk about it with you, I'll learn to talk about it with Tony."_

"_You think it's that easy?"_

"_Maybe not, but it can't hurt."  
_

**

* * *

**

Chapter 19: A Mirror Dimly

That night at dinner, two families sat together discussing the events of the day and celebrating new hope for their respective marriages.

If nothing else, the Kellers and O'Neills were together. Two couples, emotionally separated for months, and physically separated for a short time had reunited. Along with two effervescent youngsters they shared a simple, filling meal of grilled hamburgers, baked French fries and fresh sweet corn, topped off by Jessica's signature apple pie.

Watching these six people at the dinner table, no one would guess the stress and strain that filled their lives over the past few weeks. Smiles, laughter and good fun appeared the order of the day.

Jack and Tony had returned from Mankato no more than half an hour before Jessica put supper on the table. They'd been held up at the farm supply store and then delayed further by one of Jack's surprise errands. Needless to say, the tractor project was put on hold till the next morning. Despite the delay, Jack knew Sam would be unable to resist unpacking and checking supplies tonight.

In the meantime, over dinner, the men placed bets on how long it would take Sam to get the tractor running. Jack insisted she'd have the job done within twenty-four hours, while Tony was certain it would take much longer. For some reason, they found their little debate highly amusing; eventually they had Cindy and Aaron joining in the fun, betting their uneaten French fries on Sam's technical abilities.

Sam and Jessica weren't particularly entertained by their husbands' antics. Betting the food off their plates was far from good dinner time behavior to model for children.

While Sam rolled her eyes, Jessica decided to take matters in hand. She changed the subject without blinking an eye.

"Alright you two," she said. "Besides buying engine parts for Sam to work miracles with what else were you doing in Mankato all this time?"

The two military men were appropriately chastened. They straightened up and exchanged knowing looks while Aaron and Cindy sat quietly, sensing something important in the air.

"General O'Neill has arranged for physical therapy services in Mankato," Tony said. "Its close enough I can get there everyday if I want. They even make home visits."

Jessica looked skeptical. They'd known about a physical therapy office in Mankato for some time. However, since it wasn't part of the Veteran's Administration it wasn't covered by their insurance. And they could never afford the out of pocket payments.

"Not that we're ungrateful General, but paying privately, well it's too expensive," Jessica said. "That's why we haven't done it before."

"Who said anything about paying privately?" Jack replied.

"The General convinced the VA to cover the physical therapist in Mankato," Tony supplied, clearly seeing this as something of a coup. "He's one of the best."

"How did you manage that?" Jessica asked Jack. "I've been trying for months. The VA won't listen to anyone."

"It's all those stars on the uniform, Ma'am," Jack replied in his usual self-deprecating manner. "Those government types, they've seen me looking a lot more intimidating than I do here."

"The dress blues seem to have that effect," Sam added. "I always stand up and take notice."

"As you should, Colonel," Jack teased with a smirk.

Tony and Jessica laughed. Sam giggled, that all too cute sound Jack hadn't heard for a long while. It did his heart good.

Little Aaron however wasn't laughing. He'd seen pictures of his father in a uniform they called "dress blues". He looked seriously at Jack, waiting to ask a question.

"You wear a uniform like my daddy?" Tony's son asked.

"Yes, I do," Jack said. "A lot like your daddy's."

Jack reached over to tousle the boy's hair.

"I'm proud to wear a uniform like your dad's," he added.

The boy beamed. He was proud of his dad and he liked this visitor too.

"Daddy," Aaron asked, "can I go play with Jack?"

Tony looked at Jessica and smiled. Supper was over, so there was no reason not to excuse the children.

"I think your mom and I can handle the dishes," Tony said, "General?"

"Wouldn't miss it," Jack replied. "I'm getting the hang of that new video game."

"Yay!" Aaron exclaimed. "You play good, Uncle Jack!" the excited four-year-old added.

Not one to be left out, Aaron's big sister clamored for some attention as well.

"Sam, will you help me with my homework?" Cindy asked. "Mom says you're very smart."

"Sure I will," Sam said. Then, turning to Jack, she quipped, "Looks like they have the two of us pegged."

"I don't know," Jack said, giving his best confused imitation. "I thought _I_ was the smart one."

OoOoOo

Once the kids were down for the night and the O'Neills headed off to the cottage, Jessica and Tony were left on their own. There was much to discuss, yet neither knew exactly where to begin. So they did the next best thing.

Sitting down in front of the television, Tony picked up the remote and mindlessly started channel surfing. Jessica found a stack of bills and began to leaf through them dejectedly. After a moment, she set the papers down and joined Tony in staring at the television. She knew they had to talk. It wouldn't get any easier without effort, so they might as well start tonight.

She decided to start small and work her way up to the big stuff.

"Did you see anyone we know in Mankato?" she asked casually.

It took Tony a minute to disengage from the distraction of the television. Once he did, he muted the sound and turned towards his wife.

"As a matter of fact, we ran into Sarah Thompson," Tony said. "She was at the medical arts building where we saw the physical therapist."

Sarah was a close friend of Jessica's from high school. They'd stayed in touch for years. Finally Sarah and her husband were expecting their first child.

"Why didn't you tell me at dinner?" Jessica asked.

"Because she's big as a house," Tony explained. "That's why. I didn't think Mrs. O'Neill needed anymore reminders about women having babies right now."

"I suppose that's true," Jessica agreed. "Sarah must be ready to deliver anytime now."

"Looks that way," Tony said.

"Any word on when Larry's coming home?" Jessica asked

"They're hoping within the next couple weeks," Tony said. "With any luck he'll be home for the delivery."

Sarah's husband, Major Lawrence Thompson was a fighter pilot in Afghanistan. He and Tony had served together for awhile.

"I hope so, for both their sakes," Jessica said. "I know Sarah will feel better about things when he's home."

Tony nodded his agreement. After that they both lapsed into silence again. Tony reached for the remote, but Jessica wasn't finished.

"It was nice of General O'Neill to do what he did," she said, knowing where she wanted this conversation to go.

"Yeah, he's a good guy," Tony agreed. The remote remained in his hand ready for action, if needed.

"Do you think it will help," she asked, "going to therapy more often?"

They'd had this conversation, in one way or another, several times over the past year. It always ended in an argument. Tony wasn't looking forward to fighting tonight. So he kept silent; he looked at her pleadingly, as if asking for a reprieve.

Jessica stared back, her facial expression hardening as it often did before she accused him of not talking with her. The reprieve wasn't to be.

Surrendering to the inevitable, Tony stood, picked up his crutches and walked to the other side of the room. _Here we go again_, he thought.

"What do you want me to say?" Tony turned and hollered back at Jessica, holding up his crutches defiantly. "That I'll be walking without these by next week or maybe that I'll be ready to take on the harvest this fall. Or maybe I should sprout wings and fly. What?"

Jessica stood still, rooted in place by surprise. He never talked to her that way.

"Where did that come from?" she asked.

Tony set the crutches aside and sat down. Once comfortably seated in a straight backed armchair, he started again. This time, his voice was calm and steady.

"Jess, I've done the best I can ever since I came home," he started. "I've gone to as much therapy as the VA would provide, done the exercises, helped out here as much as I could. Don't you think I know it hasn't been enough? Don't you think I know how disappointed you are in me?"

Jessica looked at her husband, her mouth open, words failing her. For the first time, she allowed herself to hear how Tony was feeling, probably had been feeling for a long while. And he was right. She _was_ disappointed in him, in his inability to help her keep the farm afloat.

"That's why you left?" she asked incredulously.

"Couldn't take it anymore," Tony answered. "The look on your face every morning, the comments about the farm, the work that needed to be done, the work I couldn't do anymore. I don't want to lose the farm, Jess. I don't want _you_ to lose this farm. I know how much it means to you. I want to be everything you want me to be. I'm not sure how fast I can get back there."

Jessica struggled to suppress the critical, sarcastic responses that reflexively bubbled to her lips. She'd spoken so many times from frustration and fear, it was becoming second nature. She had to find a way to speak to her husband from her heart.

Silently, Jessica walked over to sit by Tony. When she finally responded, her voice was soft and caring.

"You're right," she said. "I love this farm. It's in my blood. It's part of who I am. And yes, it's been hard. First off, not having you here when you were in Iraq … and then…"

As soon as she stopped speaking, Tony spontaneously completed her thought in the way he often did in his head.

"And then when I came home, I wasn't the man who left."

Jessica's face clouded over and she pulled back.

"No!" she shouted indignantly. "That's not what I was thinking at all! You do that all the time, assume what I think and never ask me about it."

"Alright, so go ahead…"

"And then … you were hurt. I thought you were going to die," she said. "When you came home I thought it was a miracle. Then I forgot how grateful I was to have you back and you're right, I focused on what you couldn't do anymore."

Tony's strong, independent wife was starting to cry. It had been a long time since she'd allowed herself to be so vulnerable with him.

"I'm sorry, Tony," Jessica whispered, doing her best to stifle the tears. "You mean so much more to me than this farm. Even if we lose the farm, I need you and the kids. I need you to believe that."

OoOoOo

Jack and Sam left the Kellers shortly after the late summer sundown. It was nearly 2100 hours.

As expected, Sam insisted on stopping by the equipment shed where the men had dropped off the supplies for the tractor. An hour later, all boxes opened and inspected, Jack assured her there'd be time and daylight to work by tomorrow. Reluctantly, she'd agreed and they resumed their trek back to the cottage.

She was silent all the way. It was a stark contrast to the active, focused woman so obviously in her element with the engine parts a moment ago. That tractor was going to be a great distraction. But right now, Jack wanted his wife's attention for more important matters.

"The Keller kids are great, huh?" Jack offered as they approached the front door. He could guess what Sam was feeling. He was feeling it himself. Hard as it was, it was time for both of them to stop running.

"Yeah, they are," Sam agreed, fighting to keep her composure.

"You don't have to pretend with me, Sam," he said honestly.

Without turning to face him, Sam muttered a response.

"That will never be us," she said.

He knew immediately what she was saying.

"You don't know that," Jack protested.

In the moonlight, Sam finally looked his way, her expression sad, but revealing little.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked

"I'd rather wait till morning," she said flatly.

Jack opened the door and turned on the lights. They both walked inside. Jack O'Neill wasn't planning to take no for an answer. He'd let this go too long already.

"I don't want to push, Sam, but we need to talk sometime."

"Tomorrow," Sam repeated.

"Okay … I suppose tomorrow is a special day."

"What?"

"You know, that really special day when it's _easy_ to talk about hard things."

"Jack …"

"They come, every four hundred years or so."

She almost smiled. Giving up, she sat down on the nearest chair.

"Fine," she said.

"Fine …?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell me what else is going on," he said as gently as he could. "What else haven't you told me, Sam?"

Jack's voice was tender. Moving to sit beside her, his hand warmly reaching for hers, he posed his questions in a way Sam couldn't refuse.

She held his hand tightly between both of hers; he returned the gesture.

"I can't have children anymore, Jack," she said, her voice breaking. "We're never going to be parents."

TBC

* * *

A/N: Internet downtime gave me extra time to polish this chapter. Hope it worked. Please review and let me know what you think.


	20. Chapter 20 Speaking the Unspoken

"_I can't have children anymore, Jack," she said, her voice breaking. "We're never going to be parents."_

**

* * *

**

Chapter 20: Speaking the Unspoken

Jack took a deep breath. After her comments in the barn, he'd wondered. He'd played her words over and over in his head, but pretended he'd misheard. Now his worst fears were confirmed.

"Tell me," he said softly.

Sam was still, curled up into herself, her knees against her chest. Facing Jack, seated on the opposite side of the room, she began her tale.

"Carolyn told me, about a week after we got back," she murmured softly, her voice full of regret. "The staff blast did too much damage. She said it would be impossible for me to conceive again. She did all the tests; she says there's no question."

Jack's face was unreadable. It was the military mask Sam knew well, the one that so often stood in their way over the years. In their present situation, the mask frightened her. She had to know her husband's honest reaction to what she'd told him.

"What are you thinking?" Sam asked, unwilling to wait much longer for her answer.

Jack looked up from the random piece of paper he'd been intently studying.

"I'm thinking what a stupid fool I've been," he said. The blank scrap of paper was balled up and tossed into the basket across the room. Its loss left him free to focus on his wife.

Sam looked at him silently, clearly confused.

"I was right about one thing in that pathetic letter I left you," Jack went on. "I'm a coward. I was so stuck in my own self-pity I couldn't see how much you were hurting."

Sam knew beyond a doubt he wasn't the only one to blame for their estrangement.

"I didn't tell you."

"Because you thought I couldn't handle it."

"I should have given you the chance."

"And I should have asked you about what I overheard."

The tears descended full force now. Sam walked over to the sofa, reached for the tissues and handed some to Jack. Then she sat down next to him.

"We're quite a pair, aren't we?" Jack observed.

Sam nodded enough to let him know she agreed.

"I'm so sorry," she said.

"And I'm sorry you had to go through this without me."

Jack reached over, draped his arm over her shoulder and gently pulled her to him.

"I wanted so much to have your baby," she said. "You know, I pictured what she'd look like, even thought of names …"

Jack took her in his arms and rocked her as she sobbed.

"I did too," he murmured in her hair.

"Really?"

"Really, old family names …"

"But we didn't even know I was pregnant."

"I was imagining having a baby with you from the moment I first kissed you," he admitted. He surprised himself with that particular admission. And they said women were fixated on children.

"I'm sorry," Sam confessed again, hearing the helpless quality in her own voice. She didn't know what else to say. This was a loss for Jack too. She didn't know how to make it better. In fact, she knew she was powerless to fix it.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he whispered in her ear.

"But we'll never have that child."

"I know," Jack said. "And we'll deal."

"I wanted to tell you as soon as I knew."

Jack waited.

"You were in so much pain," she said. "He'd hurt you so badly."

"Didn't think I could take it?"

"I don't know what I thought," Sam admitted. "You're the strongest man I know."

"But …"

"I wanted to protect you," she said. "I didn't want you to hurt anymore than you already were."

Jack nodded his understanding and looked at her with love.

"I want to be strong for you, Sam," he said. "Truth is I'm not always that strong."

"Nobody is," she said, "not all the time. Like it or not, we're human."

"Ya think?"

She smiled her understanding.

"Now that I know, we'll grieve together," Jack said. "We'll get through this, as long as it takes."

She looked up at him silently. It was that look of adoration that always made him feel invincible. In his heart of hearts, despite his own nagging self doubt, he knew she loved him always and forever.

"Sam, I'm gonna retire," he said, breaking the short silence. He'd thought about this on and off since they'd married. They'd even discussed it as something to consider in the future. But now, he suspected the time was right.

"What? You can't," she protested.

"I can't or you don't want me too?"

"They won't let you," she clarified.

"If you think I intimidated the VA, you should hear how I talk to the President."

"Jack, _seriously_, you're needed there."

"I'm needed _here_," he said, squeezing her hand in his, "wherever my wife is."

She closed her eyes, breathed deeply and gave him a tentative smile.

"…unless of course you don't want me around that much," he added.

"I love having you around," she protested.

Jack smiled. It was that self-satisfied smirk that often passed for a declaration of happiness.

"Sam, I'm not sure we can make this marriage work with me on one side of the country and you on the other," he said, intent on making his point about how he wanted things to change. "I've had enough of that. I'm not settling for a long distance relationship anymore. How 'bout you?"

"You mean actually live together, full time?" Sam asked dubiously.

"Yep, like we were planning on before our little vacation with Ba'al."

"I think it's a good idea," she said.

"Me too.

"You know what else I think?"

"What?"

"I think we'd better get some sleep," Jack said.

"Good idea."

As much as he wanted to be with her, Jack didn't want to push Sam into anything. And after his vanishing act he wasn't at all sure she wanted to sleep with him.

"I'll take the couch," he volunteered.

"Jack?"

Sam's question was obvious.

"I thought …"

She shook her head. "Don't do that."

"You don't want me to think?"

She shook her head and rolled her eyes. But she was smiling.

He waited.

"I love having you around," she said. "Come to bed with me."

He didn't need to be told twice.

TBC

* * *

A/N: Thanks for continuing to read and review.


	21. Chapter 21 Letters from Home

A/N: Time to _begin _to wrap this one up. Hang on.

**Chapter 21: Letters from Home**

One week after Sam's arrival at the Keller farm, things were looking up for everyone. Though life had closed off some possibilities, by the time August arrived, both families had begun to see and value the options that remained in their lives.

Teal'c had suggested Kel'pram'teen over a month ago. When Jack embarked on the traditional Jaffa sojourn, he was willing, but hardly optimistic. He didn't expect to achieve the promised results. Wholeness, becoming comfortable in his own skin, he hadn't expected any of that to happen. But it had. An amazing convergence of simple events and the right people had allowed him to find his best self and rediscover his connection to the love of his life.

Meanwhile, Tony was attending physical therapy a daily basis. Both he and Jessica were pleased with the physical and emotional changes already occurring as a result. Admittedly much of it was due to the more positive attitude they'd adopted toward each other. Like the O'Neills, they'd remembered why they were together in the first place.

In Tony and Jessica, the O'Neills had found like-hearted souls struggling with the realities of everyday life. As such the two couples were helpful foils for each other during their weeks together. The similarities and differences in their struggles helped to clarify what was truly needed and wanted in their respective relationships.

Both couples had hope. And their hope was infectious.

In the midst of the healing, the ordinary work of the farm continued. To a large extent, it was that work that fueled everyone's recovery.

Sam was spending much of her time repairing the tractor. Actually, she was rebuilding the engine in record time, much as Jack knew she could. Though delayed by the need to order more parts and equipment, she was making good progress. While waiting for parts she'd managed to tune up most every other piece of machinery around the farm. She planned to finish the tractor project today. It would be ready in more than enough time for the harvest.

Though he spent much of his time with Sam, generally annoying her and interfering with her work as he used to do at the SGC, Jack was also keeping busy. With Tony's help, he baled hay, finished limitless fix-it projects in the house, ran errands and patched fences. When he and Sam weren't working, they spent time with their new friends.

Surprisingly, despite their recent loss, playing with the Keller children had been an added bonus for Sam and Jack. Aaron and Cindy quickly adopted their family's guests as honorary relatives and clamored for their undivided attention every chance they got. On the farm, far from their high stress military jobs, the relaxed officers enjoyed every minute with these two live wires. And their desire for children of their own was solidified.

The physical labor and social interaction were therapeutic for Jack and Sam. Exhausted by the end of the day, barriers were down by the time they settled in for the evening. As tired as they were, they found themselves talking with each other. Lying in each others arms, they poured out their hearts. They grieved the loss of the child that would never be and they developed Plan B.

Married seven months now, the O'Neills decided they'd seek a second opinion from a fertility specialist. If that doctor wasn't encouraging, they'd seriously consider adoption.

One way or another, they intended to walk together toward their shared goal of parenthood.

OoOoOo

It was the first of August and the sun was rising on a glorious mid-summer's day. As always there was work to be done on the farm.

"Whatch'ya lookin'at?" Jack asked.

He'd managed to roll out of bed a few short minutes ago. Sam on the other hand was already showered and dressed in work clothes, sitting on the sofa with her laptop. Something on the screen had clearly captured her attention.

"Morning," he said, coming up behind her to kiss her cheek. "I missed you when I woke up."

"Couldn't sleep with the sun coming in the window," Sam replied. "Old habits and all."

"Hmm…," he murmured. He was standing over her shoulder, straining to see the computer screen.

"So … whatch'ya looking at?" Jack repeated.

Sam chuckled and turned to look at him for a moment. One glance at his rumpled appearance brought a smile to her face.

"Come on," she said, "you have to read this e-mail from Teal'c."

"Teal'c sends e-mail? Since when?"

"Since Daniel showed him all those silly animated card sites," she replied. "It's scary; he's getting creative."

Jack circled round the sofa and sat down next to her. Within moments he was caught up in a fit of laughter.

"Simpson e-cards … Teal'c finally appreciates my humor!"

"Well, I wouldn't go that far," Sam said. "I think it was for your benefit."

"You have to admit," Jack insisted, "Homer and Marge down on the farm, it's priceless."

"I suppose," she said. Sam handed him the laptop and walked into the kitchen.

"Ready for coffee?"

Jack stretched and yawned broadly.

"Yep," he said. "Then I'm making you a huge breakfast. You've got your work cut out for you today with that tractor. And I plan on winning my bet with Tony."

"You and that bet!" she exclaimed. "You've got some nerve. I should make you fix it!"

"Hey, I was just trying to have a little fun."

Jack suspected Sam wasn't genuinely angry with him. His suspicions were confirmed when she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him.

"You're forgiven," she said.

OoOoOo

After a hurried breakfast, Sam got back to the business of fixing the Kellers' tractor. It had been more of a challenge than she anticipated. Then again, as Jack was quick to remind her, anyone who could build a naquadah reactor could certainly rebuild a piece of farm equipment. _Easier said than done_, she thought.

As on most of the preceding days, she had an audience.

"What do you think, Colonel?" Tony asked, hoping she'd be able to complete the task.

"Not a problem, Tony," she said. "If all goes well, we should be able to finish up this afternoon and take it out for a test drive."

"Told you she was good," Jack said.

"Must be," he said.

"You have no idea," Sam's proud husband added.

"Enough," Sam said. "If you have to keep me company, you can help. Tony, I need the wrench from the tool box over there. Jack, I need a diet Coke."

Jack made a face at Tony. The younger man laughed.

"Okay, we'll get your supplies and then leave you to it," Jack said. He knew when he wasn't wanted. But before he could make his excuses, a familiar ring tone sounded.

"Colonel, your phone," Tony called from the shed. Before she could respond, he came running with the ringing device.

"Thanks," Sam said, wiping the grease from her hands and taking the phone.

"Carter," she answered.

"Daniel!" Sam announced happily.

"I'll leave you two," Tony said excusing himself. "I'm due in Mankato for my daily torture session."

"Good luck," Jack called.

OoOoOo

Sam completed the tractor repairs on schedule and the test drive was a bona fide success.

Later that afternoon, before supper, Jack and Sam took a stroll around the fields. It had become their late afternoon habit, walking around the cornfields, hand in hand, talking about the future.

"What did Daniel have to say?" Jack asked.

"Oh, the same old, 'when are you two coming home?'" she said.

"How come Daniel hasn't been calling _me_ lately?"

"He said something about you not answering your phone for awhile," Sam said. "I seem to remember that behavior too. Ring any bells?"

"Yeah," he answered. "I was an ass. I admit it."

"Jack, you're my husband and I love you," Sam said. "As long as you remember that, you'll be okay."

He chuckled, a deep sonorous, sincere sound indicative of the change in mood and outlook he'd experienced in the past few weeks.

'We need to get home soon," she said. "Landry's not going to keep me on leave forever."

"I know," Jack admitted. "But I'll hate to leave here."

"Me too," Sam said. "It's been good for us."

Jack nodded.

"I was thinking," Jack said, "Tony and Jessica are going to struggle with this place for awhile. They'll need to hire help to get that harvest in, especially till Tony is back to full strength."

"You're right," she agreed.

"I was thinking of a loan."

Sam smiled.

TBC

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A/N: Maybe 3-5 more chapters for this one. Not sure when they'll be up as my home internet will be down till next week and I have to post at work when possible.

Hope you keep reading and reviewing.


	22. Chapter 22 Back to Business

**Chapter 24: Back to Business**

It was time to say goodbye.

After two weeks on the Keller farm, Sam knew it was time to go home. Jack was coming with her. They were going home together, a result neither of them would have anticipated a few short weeks ago. The time away had been an unexpected blessing for both of them. But the leave taking presented its own set of regrets and challenges.

They would miss the Kellers. They'd become fast friends in a short time, helping each other through some of the most challenging days of their lives. And the small family farm in southern Minnesota had become a refuge they would not soon forget.

After an early morning church service, Jessica prepared a hearty brunch for this special Sunday morning. Jack and Sam were scheduled to leave right after the meal. Their flight to Colorado Springs was departing at 1500 hours that afternoon.

Brunch was served on a rustic oak picnic table in back of the farmhouse. A sliding glass door opened directly from the kitchen to the patio. On summer days like this, that door was open most of the time, leading to a variety of critters, winged and otherwise visiting the household. Today was no exception. Jack, Sam, Tony and the children played outside, while Jessica completed preparations for the meal.

"But me and Aaron don't want you to go back to that Springs place." Cindy protested as she did her best to hit pitches lobbed to her by "Uncle" Jack.

Walking over to where Cindy stood with helmet in place and bat in hand, Jack bent down to pick up the tiny six-year-old. He swung her up over his head.

"Do you know the best part about having friends who live a long ways away?" Jack asked.

Cindy shook her head solemnly.

"The best part," he said, "is that you get to visit them!"

"Yay," Aaron shouted from behind Jack, tugging on his pant leg. "Me come too!"

"Absolutely," Sam said, joining in while Jessica and Tony brought the food out. "Of course we want out favorite little boy to come too!"

"Come where?" Jessica asked, walking into the discussion.

"Come visit us in Colorado Springs, of course," Jack said.

"I think that can be arranged," Tony said. "Right, Jess?"

Jessica smiled. "I'd like that a lot," she said, looking at Sam and nodding.

"It's settled then," Jack said. "We're not going to be strangers."

"Better not," Jessica said. "We're going to miss both of you. You've helped us so much."

"Our pleasure," Sam said, finally sitting down to the table. "You have no idea how much you've helped us."

Sam reached out and grabbed Jack's hand across the table. The kids copied their two new heroes. And their parents smiled happily at the scene before them.

"Okay everybody," Jessica said, trying to refocus her little family. "Brunch is ready. Who wants pancakes?"

"Me!"

OoOoOo

Sam drove her red rental sports car at a reasonable speed all the way back to the Twin Cities airport. Her frame of mind was much improved over the trip out just a short while ago. Jack was content to sit in the passenger seat and know Sam would get them safely to their destination.

They'd sadly said goodbye to the Kellers back at the farm. Now, with the roof of the convertible retracted, the reunited couple sat quietly, enjoying the delightfully cool summer's afternoon and the breeze whistling past their ears. Over the course of the ninety minute trip to the airport, few words were said, but volumes were spoken. Touches, glances and occasional quips about Sam's driving appeared the order of the day. The atmosphere was much as it used to be before Ba'al reappeared in their lives. Theirs was an easy familiarity with each other rekindled by the depth of sharing over the past few days.

They loved each other and they had plans for their futures.

"So," Sam said, breaking the pleasant quiet of the drive, "you never did tell me how you convinced the President."

Jack smirked. Quite pleased with himself, he was glad Sam couldn't see him as she concentrated on the road in front of her.

"Well, I offered him a compromise," he said. "He could have some of the great Jack O'Neill or none at all."

With that Sam did turn her head just a smidge, enough so her husband could see her expression of disbelief.

"You said that to the President?"

"Not in those exact words."

Sam giggled. It did Jack's heart good to hear the happy sound.

"We both settled for partial retirement," he explained.

"Is that what you're calling it?'

"Thought it sounded good," he said. "I get to stay in Colorado Springs, break in another nice office at the SGC with no windows and go to work with my wife. What's not to like?

"And I'm still in charge," he added.

Sam smiled to herself. It was the best of both worlds. Jack would be horribly bored sitting home without any of the extraordinary responsibilities he'd had for so long. This way he'd be busy, interested, close by and relatively safe. She couldn't ask for much more.

OoOoOo

Arriving back at the home they shared in the Springs, Sam opened the front door while Jack went back to the car for what remained of their luggage. After two weeks away, she wasn't looking forward to the empty house she knew would greet them. She supposed they would just have to go out for dinner and make a grocery run. When Jack called, she'd packed in such a hurry she couldn't remember how she'd left the rest of the house. Most likely, it looked like a tornado hit it.

"Ah, Sam?" Jack called as he stood, open mouthed, in the doorway. But Sam had already seen the surprise Jack had spotted. They both stood still and gaped for a moment.

Over the fireplace mantle hung a gigantic poster on which was printed, **"Welcome Home Jack and Sam!!" **There was a huge bouquet of summer flowers on the living room table and the place looked surprisingly clean. The dining room table was set for two, complete with wine glasses. A large manila envelope lay on the table as well, addressed to the two of them.

Jack took Sam by the hand and walked over to the table.

"All yours" he said gallantly, handing her the unexpected greeting.

Sam opened the envelope and began to read the missive it contained.

"Hi guys," it began. _Definitely Daniel_, she thought.

"_It's about time you two came home,"_ the letter read. "_Again we emphasize the word two, as in together. Hope you had a great trip. We're looking forward to seeing you, but thought you'd need some time to settle in. We took the liberty of purchasing steaks for Jack to throw on the grill. (Please don't burn them!) There's Guinness and Diet Coke in the refrigerator, also a nice Merlot chilling in case … well you know. _

"_Enjoy… Teal'c wanted to bring donuts early tomorrow morning, but I convinced him lunch would be soon enough. We'll call first._

"_Signed: Daniel, Vala, Teal'c …"_

"Sweet!" Jack exclaimed with enthusiasm. He moved directly to the refrigerator to check out its contents.

"Yes, they are," Sam agreed, "but not quite as sweet as you."

With that, Sam took him by the shoulder, pulled him around to face her and kissed him.

"Welcome home Mr. O'Neill …," she whispered seductively.

Jack wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back. He was glad to be home where he belonged.

And for the moment, dinner was forgotten.

TBC

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A/N: Again thanks for your patience as my computer server tries to return from the dead.

Reviews greatly appreciated.


	23. Chapter 23 Thanksgiving

_A/N: Alas this is coming to an end, probably only one or two more chapters. I have a little piece more I want to tell, but don't want to drag it out more than necessary. Stay tuned and thank you for your patience._

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Chapter 22: Thanksgiving

There were other ways to parent besides _being_ parents. Helping a younger generation, even those not of your own blood was a sort of parenting. And over the next few months, the O'Neills made it their business to do exactly that for the Kellers.

The O'Neills floated the younger family a business loan to help get them back on their feet. Though Tony was initially reluctant to accept, especially since Jack refused to charge interest, Jessica convinced him it was necessary. It was exactly what they needed to survive the next few months. With that help, Tony felt confident his family could bounce back financially. And he was right. By the time the harvest was completed, the financial picture was beginning to brighten.

The new friends kept in contact by phone and through the wonders of modern day electronic communication. But the Kellers hadn't been able to justify the expenditure needed for a trip to Colorado Springs and the O'Neills simply hadn't found the time.

And so, three months after their initial sojourn at the farm, Jack and Sam returned for a long weekend visit. Actually, it was Thanksgiving weekend. What better time for the Kellers and the O'Neills to celebrate the fruits of their friendship. They had much for which to be thankful.

Jack had settled into a new job with the impressive title Director of Stargate Operations. And he was right; he was still "The Man". The position had been created especially for him. While Hank Landry remained as the commanding officer of the SGC, Jack handled all interface with the President, the Joint Chiefs and was available for other diplomatic necessities. Needless to say, the man had grown from the days where he readily offended just about anyone with his offhanded, sarcastic comments. These days diplomacy was his middle name.

He'd been guaranteed two days off a week and short of an emergency, an average of a forty hour week. For Jack O'Neill, that _was _part-time.

He and Sam had decided to eschew off world travel for the most part. After some involved discussions, the two long time intergalactic heroes had decided to pursue some of their more pressing personal interests. At the top of the list was their desire to start a family.

Given recent events both knew it would be easier said than done. Determined to leave no stone unturned and realizing they were no longer a young couple, they began procedures for adoption and inquired about in vitro fertilization procedures. During initial consultations, they'd been told that with IVF, there was a twenty per cent chance of an embryo implanting in a woman with Sam's medical history. On the face of it, those were far from good odds. But to make matters worse, the doctors gave Sam no more than a ten per cent chance of carrying such an embryo to near term. She wasn't willing to take that chance. And Jack understood that risking such a painful loss so soon after the miscarriage was out of the question.

But there was always adoption. To that goal, they'd set out to put together a hospitable, child friendly home that could pass any inspection child services might insist on. Their change in assignments was part of that. It was understood that one of them would stay home full time should they be fortunate enough to become parents. But being patient with a long involved process largely out of their control was easier said than done. Many days, Jack feared he'd be in his sixties before a child was found for them. They had to admit to themselves parenthood might never happen.

On the Keller side of the street, Tony was now walking without the aid of either crutches or cane. Still gaining lower body strength, he'd been able to do more and more of the work around the farm in the last few weeks. With the money loaned him by the O'Neills, he'd been able to hire a dependable farm worker who'd done the lion's share of the harvesting work. With any luck, he'd be ready to repay the loan in full by Christmastime.

Jessica discovered only a week ago that she was pregnant with their third child. This hadn't been planned and in many ways it was far from opportune timing. Still, once the initial shock wore off, both she and Tony could barely contain their delight. They loved children. And after the difficult time they'd come through, this baby was a testament to that love and their commitment to each other.

The Kellers looked forward to sharing their happy news with Jack and Sam. Despite the O'Neills inability to have children of their own, Jessica and Tony knew they would be happy for their friends. And they were.

The family had another guest for the holiday, Sarah Thompson and her two-month-old son, christened David Lawrence Thompson. It was a bittersweet holiday at best for Jessica's friend, Sarah. Her husband, Larry, had been shot down in Iraq one week before his scheduled return to the States. He'd died serving his country, leaving a young widow and a son who would never know his father.

Sarah had delivered David without her husband, the very night she received the news; Jessica had gone to be with her; she and Tony had stayed close in every way possible since then.

Spending Thanksgiving with the Kellers and Sarah Thompson was the ultimate test for Sam. Being genuinely happy for Tony and Jessica and compassionate toward Sarah and her baby were sure signs she was successfully dealing with her own grief. Not that it wasn't hard, but Sam knew she'd come a long way when she was able to hold the Thompson baby without breaking into tears.

Jack was beside her every step of the way. Each with the support of the other, they'd been calm, friendly, and sensitive to the plethora of emotions Sarah was feeling.

Sam's heart went out to the new mother. It was so easy to put herself in Sarah's place. Of all the pains she could imagine, losing Jack would be the worst. But she knew, like Sarah, she'd go on for the sake of a child. It was so ironic. Here she was with a husband she loved more than anything and unable to have children; Sarah was blessed with a child but had lost the man she loved. Despite everything she'd seen, there were times Sam simply couldn't understand why life worked out the way it did. She knew it sounded trite, but it simply wasn't fair.

Sam held little David on and off that evening, changed him, fed him his bottle and loved every second of it. With a huge smile, Jack watched how natural she was with the baby. _There's something wrong with a world where Samantha Carter might never be a mother, _he thought. But he'd promised her to stay positive and he intended to do exactly that, for both of them.

OoOoOo

"Aunt Sam!" Cindy screeched at the highest imaginable pitch. "Come look at my report card!"

The day after Thanksgiving, the mail had brought the report of the first marking period for the now second grader. She was thrilled, rating high marks in all areas of evaluation. And after her own parents, Cindy couldn't think of anyone she'd rather get kudos from than Jack and Sam.

"That's great, Cindy," Jack crowed. "Looks like you're going to be our next little rocket scientist."

"Aunt Sam," she asked, looking genuinely puzzled, "what's a rocket scientist?"

Sam and Jessica both laughed at that one.

Jessica explained. "Well a rocket scientist is a very smart woman …"

"… or man," Tony added.

Jessica shook her head.

"I was going to say, very smart woman like your Aunt Sam," Jessica corrected. "Rocket scientists explore space in big rockets. Right?" she asked, looking to Sam for backup.

"It's something like that," Sam began. "Actually …"

_Here we go_, Jack thought. _Remember she's six, Sam._

"There are so many fascinating things I get to do, she said. "And they're fun too …"

_That's the ticket,_ Jack thought. He chuckled to think of how much "fun" they'd experienced over the years in their line of work. _Fun … right._

OoOoOo

They were back in Colorado Springs by Sunday night. Daniel picked them up at the airport, making them promise in stay in town for Christmas.

"So, you missed us?" Jack teased as they pulled into their driveway.

"Oh yeah," Daniel admitted. "Teal'c insisted on cooking Thanksgiving dinner at his apartment. Have you ever tasted a turkey roasted Jaffa style?"

Sam shot Daniel her typical skeptical look.

"He didn't," she said.

"Oh yeah," Daniel said. "He did. Vala helped actually. As you might guess, her cooking skills … uh … also leave a bit to be desired."

Sam tried to suppress a laugh and failed.

"So you're saying you missed my cooking?"

Daniel held up his hands in surrender. Jack smirked.

"I think what he's saying is … everything's relative," Jack suggested in his best diplomatic tone, his features schooled in innocence.

"Exactly," Daniel agreed.

Sam nodded then shook her head. Her grin assured them both she was appropriately amused.

"That's settled then," she said. "When Jack and I host Christmas dinner, there will be no complaints. Right?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Daniel answered.

"He learns quick," Jack quipped.

"Seriously," Daniel shifted moods, "I'm glad you two had a good time. You really like those folks."

Jack nodded.

"The Kellers are good people," Jack said. "If Charlie had lived, he'd be close to Tony Keller's age. Can't help thinking about that when I see Tony."

Saying this aloud was a huge step for Jack. Sam didn't miss its significance. Hearing her husband mention his long lost son so easily was a sign of healing. And hearing him acknowledge he was old enough to have a son who could be thirty- years- old, well that was important as well. And he didn't seem to miss a beat.

"I think Tony and Jessica will be good friends for a long while," Sam said. "I really hope we get a chance to see those kids grow up."

"Yeah," Jack agreed. "They're something special. And they've made us honorary relatives."

"No accounting for taste," Daniel quipped.

Jack shot the now middle-aged archeologist a withering look.

"Danny boy, if you want to be invited for Christmas dinner, watch yourself," he said. Seconds later the stern expression lightened and he clapped his friend on the back.

"You ready for a beer? Jack asked.

"I think so," Daniel replied.

"Remember," Jack added, holding up two fingers and recalling his friends low alcohol tolerance, "your limit is two."

Everyone laughed. As nice as the time away had been, it was good to be home.

TBC

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A/N: I know I may be stretching Charlie's age given how it was portrayed in the series. However it wouldn't be out of the way for Jack at 56 or so to have a 30 year old son. I'm trying to show him coming to terms with his age and other things.

Next chapter hopefully up before the weekend; it should be the next to last.


	24. Chapter 24 Tragic Blessings

_A/N: Next to last chapter; promising pure fluff for the end._

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Chapter 24: Tragic Blessings

In early February, the O'Neills received a surprise phone call from Tony Keller. Jack was delighted when he answered the phone that Saturday morning.

"Hey, it's great to hear from you," Jack began.

The two men hadn't spoken in nearly a month. The farm loan had been repaid by Christmas and the Kellers had visited Colorado Springs for New Year's. After that, the pace of life had increased and neither family had picked up the phone for awhile.

"You too, Sir," Tony replied. The Air Force reservist, once again a full fledged farmer, never had been able to lose the formality involved in speaking to a superior officer.

"Is something wrong?" Jack asked, sensing the tentative tone of his younger friend's voice. "What's happened?"

Tony took a deep breath. It had been a long and painful few days for him and Jessica. Though they'd finally decided upon a course of action, they were still conflicted about that decision.

"There's been an accident," Tony announced. He paused, leaving Jack to worry something had happened to Cindy or Aaron.

"It's Jessica's friend, Sarah," Tony continued. "The roads were icy out here the other day. Her car went off the road."

Tony paused again. When he continued, his voice cracked; he was clearly struggling to contain his emotion.

"She didn't make it."

Jack swallowed hard. He'd seen more than enough death in his years in the military, but somehow, this felt different. This was the mother of a young baby. It felt like he and Sam had just been with them. They'd held that tiny baby boy, congratulated and commiserated with the mother. And now … this; it was too much, simply not fair.

"What about the baby?" Jack asked.

"David wasn't in the car," Tony replied, remembering his own initial relief when he'd learned David was spared. "Sarah was running errands and she'd left him with a sitter."

Jack took a deep breath and thanked the powers that be that the little boy was safe.

"I don't know what to say," Jack admitted after a moment. By then, Sam had come into the kitchen to see who was on the phone. She stared at Jack, worried by the misery etched in his features. He shook his head silently as Sam walked over to stand by him.

"It's Tony," he mouthed at her. "Something's happened to their friend, Sarah."

Then he returned his attention to the call.

"Tony, Sam's here," he said.

"Good," Tony said simply, motioning Jessica to join him. "We need to talk with both of you."

OoOoOo

The rest of the story unfolded in a matter of minutes.

As good friends of Sarah and Larry Thompson, the Kellers were godparents to their first born child. That fact and their friendship with the Thompsons left them in the throes of a painful dilemma after Sarah's tragic death. They'd been named the child's guardians in Sarah's will. According to that duly sworn legal document, the wishes of the now deceased parents were clear. They wanted their friends to adopt their five-month-old son, David.

To hear Tony and Jessica explain it, they'd seen no reason to turn down their friend's request when Sarah was first pregnant. All was well. Both Tony and Larry were alive and in top physical condition. Yes, both were military men, already deployed or due to be deployed in war zones, but the families chose to believe they would make it home in one piece. The thought that any of their children would be left orphan never crossed their minds. Well, perhaps it had, as witnessed by the provisions of the will, but Tony and Jessica never thought it would come to this.

Now that it had, they were torn. Though wanting to live up to what they'd promised their friends in happier days, they couldn't see it happening. Already financially strapped, Tony was finally getting on his feet physically. And Jessica was now four months pregnant. They didn't see how they'd be able to do right by a fourth child, especially when there was another option, one that might be better for everyone involved.

And so, after days of soul searching, they called the question.

Jack and Sam were flabbergasted.

"You want us to raise Sarah's baby?" Jack asked. He said the words slowly and deliberately, risking no misunderstanding. Sam continued to stand by his side. Neither of them thought to sit down throughout this totally unexpected conversation.

"We sound terrible, don't we?" Jessica said haltingly. "It's not that we don't want David. I'm just not sure we can do it right now," she said. "And I think maybe the two of you can."

"More than that," Tony said. "We think the two of you would be great for this little guy."

The silence that followed Tony's possibly presumptuous declaration of faith was staggering. Jack and Sam looked at each other as if they'd seen a ghost. Unsure of what to say, Sam felt the tears start of run down her face. She caught sight of moisture in Jack's eyes as well. So many feelings ran through her mind; she felt certain those same feelings populated Jack's heart this very moment. They were in this together. Any decision would need to be made together.

"We don't know what to say," Sam said, speaking softly to everyone listening.

"I understand," Jessica replied. "I wish we were closer so we could talk in person. We just didn't want to wait any longer."

Jack and Sam nodded in unison as though their friends could see the non-verbal response.

"Take some time and think it through," Tony said. "If you decide to go ahead, the lawyer assures me it will be smooth sailing."

Jack's thoughts turned to the years of red tape and complications a normal agency adoption promised. This private adoption could be different. They could provide this little baby with the home he needed now.

"Tony, we'll do that, take some time," Jack said, holding Sam's eyes with his own while he spoke. "We need time to absorb this. Are you sure this is what you want?"

"We understand," Tony replied. "And yes, we are sure."

"And I know Sarah would be fine with this," Jessica added. "She couldn't ask for better parents for David."

OoOoOo

Nearly an hour later, Jack and Sam were still in shock. A few moments after replacing the phone on the wall jack, they'd finally sat down. Now, seated together on the sofa they struggled to wrap there minds around what had happened. Holding hands, they kept silence, knowing they shared similar troubled thoughts.

From out of the blue had come news of a horrible tragedy. The senseless death of a young mother was an event to be grieved by any measure. Yet at the same time, they'd been presented with an unexpected life changing possibility.

"What do we do?" Sam muttered.

"What do we do?" Jack echoed. "Are we ready to be parents?"

She nodded. At that moment, Sam looked younger, more vulnerable than he'd ever seen her.

"I think we are," she said.

He nodded.

"Do you think it's the right thing to do?" Jack asked. "The Thompson's wanted Tony and Jessica to raise their son."

"Like they said, no one had any idea it would really come to this," Sam said. "They couldn't have anticipated the circumstances. We can give this little boy a good home."

"Yes, we can," Jack said. "And the Kellers won't be strangers to him."

Sam smiled.

"No, they won't." With that simple statement Sam took a deep breath and voiced a fear she never thought she'd say out loud.

"Do you think we're too old?"

Jack's jaw literally dropped open.

"Are _you_ saying that?" he asked incredulously. "Is that my wife, the one always lecturing me about 'age is only a number'?"

"Be serious, Jack," she said. "We're a lot older than the Kellers. David has a chance at parents his own parents' age. Is it fair for _us_ to take him?"

With the patience he was certain she'd shown him more than once, Jack placed his hands on both her shoulders and gently pulled her towards him.

"Carter, I'm only gonna say this once," he said. "We're not old, especially you."

"Jack," she protested, "I'll be sixty when that little boy's eighteen. Even if I'm the best mother in the world …"

"And you'll be exactly that," he interrupted. "Besides, I'll be older by a long shot."

Sam met her husband's quirky smirk with one of her own.

"You don't think that's a bad thing?"

"Not anymore," Jack said. "With age comes wisdom, remember?"

"Ah geez," Sam groaned, "you're starting to sound like my father."

"Thanks," Jack quipped.

"Or David's father," she said. "You'll be good at it, I know you will."

"So, we're gonna do this?"

"I hope so," Sam said. She couldn't help but worry something would happen to stop the adoption. The thought of bringing a baby into their home was almost too much to fathom. It was almost too good to be true.

They were going to do this.

OoOoOo

They couldn't believe it. Less than four weeks after Tony's phone call, everything was in order for them to bring the baby home as their son. David Lawrence O'Neill would usher in a new chapter in their lives as a family. They were going to be parents after all.

The Kellers were right. With their endorsement, the adoption process had been surprisingly smooth. If anyone questioned the O'Neills' ages, they hadn't mentioned it. If anything, everyone they met with seemed impressed by their stellar qualifications. All in all, everything went off without a hitch.

David stayed with the Kellers right after his mother's death. Jack and Sam visited every weekend until the adoption was final, getting to know the baby and assuring themselves the Kellers meant what they said about wanting them to parent the boy.

Those days were precious. They learned about David's biological parents from their friends Jessica and Tony. In the process, they realized Sarah had been a high school physics teacher, in some ways not that different from Sam. And of course, Major Thompson shared the love of flight and the Air Force with both of the O'Neills. Somehow that knowledge helped them feel even closer to this baby and his unfortunate parents. It helped confirm the rightness of their decision.

Now after a final weekend in Minnesota, David arrived in his new home on a cold, snowy late winter afternoon. Though the weather was miserable, Jack and Sam had never been so excited in their lives. With great joy in their hearts, they introduced their son to his new home, including a hastily prepared nursery, filled with love.

They'd decided at least for the foreseeable future Sam would be the one to stay home full time with David. She'd be available for wireless consultations with the SGC, but that would be the extent of her involvement, save for dire emergencies. And in those dire emergencies, she would make herself available on site if and only if Jack was able to stay with David. This child was a miracle in their lives and they were not about to have him raised by a sitter, a nanny or anyone besides his new adopted parents.

OoOoOo

Three weeks later, Sam was still adjusting to the rigors of first time parenthood. Jack had been as supportive as she knew he would be, always there to relieve her when he got home in the evening, taking his turn when David woke up at night and reassuring her she was doing a good job as a new mother.

But for all the stress involved, Sam wouldn't trade motherhood for the world. She'd quickly grown to love this little boy. And he was becoming the light of both their lives.

On this particular day, she'd brought him with her to the SGC where she was due for her own yearly physical exam. Aside from a few minor complaints, Sam had been feeling well so she anticipated this would be a fairly quick, routine appointment.

So when Carolyn Lam came back with her results, she was dumbfounded.

"Is something wrong?" Sam asked, seeing her doctor's vaguely concerned expression.

"No, not exactly," Carolyn said. "But you know that morning nausea and your late menses, there's a good reason for those symptoms."

"You're kidding," Sam said.

"No, not kidding," Carolyn said. "You're pregnant!"

TBC

* * *

A/N: One final chapter to come. My Internet connection is still down, so thanks again for your patience.

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	25. Chapter 25 One Year Later

"_Is something wrong?" Sam asked, seeing her doctor's vaguely concerned expression._

"_No, not exactly," Carolyn said. "But you know that morning nausea and your late menses, there's a good reason for those symptoms."_

"_You're kidding," Sam said._

"_No, not kidding," Carolyn said. "You're pregnant!"_

* * *

Chapter 25: One Year Later

So much had changed.

Somehow, a single egg had made its way through a badly scarred Fallopian tube, presented itself for fertilization at exactly the right moment and deftly embedded itself in a still healthy piece of Sam's womb. It found a place where it could grow and thrive amidst the scarring wrought by years of abuse and that single staff weapon blast. It defied the odds and offered the O'Neills their second miracle in as many months.

When Sam was first examined by her obstetrician, she and Jack were cautioned against getting their hopes up. Despite the fantastic luck of that plucky embryo, it was still unlikely Sam could carry the fetus to term. And the doctors told them as much.

The expectant parents heard the guarded prognosis. At first they were frightened. But then they went back home to their new son, David. The little firecracker was all they needed to take their mind off worries about something they could not control, the future of an unborn child. Sure, Sam took good care of herself and Jack became even more helpful and protective, but they focused their attention on each other and on their son.

To everyone's very pleasant surprise, Sam enjoyed an uneventful pregnancy. After nine healthy, generally happy months, she delivered a beautiful seven and a half pound baby girl. Jack was at her side, trying to hold back tears all through the delivery. Sam made it through the entire process without pain medications. Together they rejoiced as the infant they named Janet Sarah O'Neill made her way into the world.

Memories of the past year flooded Sam as she sat comfortably in the living room, breastfeeding the baby. Named after their good friend Dr. Janet Frasier and Sarah Thompson, David's mother, their little girl would always remind them of two women who'd changed their lives forever.

Before Sam could daydream much more, David toddled across the floor as fast as his little legs could carry him. In his hands, the seventeen-month-old bundle of energy clutched a bag of his favorite snacks which were inconveniently packaged in a surprisingly childproof bag.

"Mama," he called beseechingly.

Sam was sitting serenely across the room, a tiny bundle of joy gathered to her breast.

"Bring it to Mommy," Sam said softly to the rambunctious little boy.

David did exactly that, handing the Ziploc bag of Cheerios to his mother and waiting for her to open it.

"Okay, sweetie," Sam said, handing back the open baggie and reaching to pat his head with her free hand. "Climb up and sit with us."

David did exactly that, climbing up on the sofa and snuggling into his mother's side. The position brought him up close and personal not only with Sam but with his three-month- old baby sister.

After three months, David was still not sure he liked this tiny interloper. After all, the new baby had claimed some of the attention he'd had all to himself the first year or more of his life. No, he wasn't sure he liked his baby sister much at all.

Sam was sensitive to her older child's needs and the normal jealousy he was experiencing. Both she and Jack went out of their way these days to be sure David received as much attention as possible. They wanted David to have positive feelings about Janet, not see her as usurping his position in the family.

And that position was secure beyond any doubt. David was theirs in every sense but blood. Most days both his parents forgot there was any distinction at all. He was an O'Neill; he even looked the part.

With sandy brown hair and dark brown eyes, the ruddy complexioned boy could easily have been their biological son. When Jack cuddled or roughhoused with David, it was clear they were father and son in every way that mattered. Sam chuckled to see how Jack beamed with every developmental milestone David achieved. You would have thought he'd launched a spaceship when the little fellow took his first steps.

The four of them were a family and a happy one at that.

"Lucy, I'm home!" The announcement of Jack's arrival echoed teasingly through the house. It was the happy voice of a man who sounded much younger than his chronological age.

David started to laugh. He knew that strange sound was his father's signature greeting.

"Daddy!" the little boy squealed, hopping off the couch

"In here," Sam called, directing Jack to the living room where she was still nursing Janet. Before she knew it, he was walking over to the sofa, David close on his heels.

"So how are we on parenthood today?" Jack asked. Before Sam could do more than look up and smile at him, he bent over and kissed her soundly.

"It's great," she said. Though her eyes clearly showed the need for a bit more sleep, Sam was obviously in her glory, happily occupied with a totally different kind of life.

"What are you doing home in the middle of the day?" she asked curiously.

"I was bored," Jack replied. "That's the good part of being the guy in charge. You can make executive decisions and go see your wife and kids in the middle of the day. Besides, I brought lunch."

"Peezza?" David queried in his little boy voice, missing a bit of enunciation. Since pizza was already his favorite food thanks to Jack and his uncles, no one had difficulty understanding his question.

"Uh, no," Jack answered, "not pizza today." He arched his eyebrows at Sam, silently mouthing, _its mom's fault._ Sam rolled her eyes.

Aloud Jack said, "No, little man, I brought real food." He set down a bag loaded with takeout from a nice local restaurant.

"Thanks," Sam said.

"Least I could do is feed my hard working wife and my very hungry boy."

"Me!" David cried as he launched himself into his father's waiting arms.

"That's the one," Jack confirmed. He firmly placed his large hands around the small child, lifted him in his arms and swung him into the air. This elicited the usual "Whoop!" from David.

"This guy's getting heavy!" Jack exclaimed. He could see David beam as he always did when his dad said he was getting bigger.

"Yep," Sam replied. "I think it's a good thing the two of us are going to the gym everyday. We're gonna need it."

"That we are," Jack teased. "Chasing these two will be worse than chasing a platoon of Jaffa!"

The two relatively new parents had had serious discussions of the need to maintain their own good health in order to keep up with David and Janet.

"It is, isn't it?" Jack said. The remark was completely out of context, made in a pleasant matter of fact tone as leaned over again to kiss Janet softly on her forehead.

Shifting Janet to the other breast, Sam straightened her clothing and looked directly at her husband. She had no idea what he was talking about and her look of bewilderment said it all.

"You know," Jack insisted, catching the clueless look he loved inspiringly in his genius wife. "I think people have things backwards. It's easier when you're older."

"It?" Sam questioned.

"Being a parent, of course."

"You think?"

"Yep"

OoOoOo

That evening Teal'c and Daniel joined the family for dinner. The children's honorary uncles were frequent guests in the O'Neill home and the only two sitters allowed the privilege of watching them in the rare instances where both parents were called away.

The meal completed, Daniel washed dishes while Teal'c cleared the table. They'd become accustomed to mealtime cleanup duty whenever they visited the O'Neills. Without fail, Sam and Jack always ended up changing diapers and starting to settle the kids down for the night after dinner. That's where the two career military types found themselves right now.

Never in their wildest imaginations had the warrior Jaffa and the geeky archeologist suspected this outcome for their friends. No doubt about it, given the less than auspicious beginnings of their relationship, this happy family situation was nothing less than miraculous for a pair of rule abiding Air Force officers who'd cheated death more times than they could count.

"I think they're really happy," Daniel reflected. As he spoke, his arms elbow deep in soapy water, he reflected on his own still tumultuous relationship with Vala. He had to admit he was a bit envious.

"I agree," Teal'c said solemnly. "Both O'Neill and Samantha are happier than I have ever seen them."

With that Sam and Jack returned. Sam carried David, perched on her hip and walked over to the table to sit down.

"That we are, my friends," Jack said, "happy, that is."

Daniel easily caught the answering gleam in Sam's eyes as she let David down off her lap.

"Hey, where's the little princess?" Daniel asked, referred of course to Janet.

"She was ready for bed after her last feeding," Sam said. "So we put her down for the night. This little gentleman however," she said, pointing at David, "wanted to come back and play with his uncles."

"I believe that can be arranged," Teal'c said, promptly removing the apron he'd been wearing for his domestic duties. Before anyone could comment, the towering mountain of a man had gotten down on the floor to meet David at eye level. The sight was more than Jack could take.

"Leave it to my son to bring the great Teal'c to his knees!" he exclaimed. To Jack's dismay his friend paid him no heed. Teal'c blithely continued to engage with David in an imaginary game of the toddler's choosing. Who would have known Jaffa played imaginary games?

Sam and Daniel smiled at each other.

"Enough cleaning," Sam said, standing up and moving toward the living room. "Leave it for later. I'd rather visit with you guys for now."

Not needing any more prompting, Daniel also ended his kitchen duty, dried his hands and followed his friends into the living room.

"Did I tell you Jessica called today?" Sam asked, as much to Jack as anyone else.

"No," Jack answered. "Is everything alright?"

Daniel looked towards Sam as well. He'd met the Kellers at their last visit to Colorado Springs. Even Teal'c looked up from his Kel'nor'eem like position on the floor. He'd met the family too and admired the kindred warrior spirit he saw in Tony Keller.

"No problems," Sam reassured everyone. "The kids are growing like crazy. Cindy is taking piano lessons, Aaron won a spelling bee and the baby had his one year check up today."

"Sam's a year old already?" Jack asked, truly amazed. He was referring to the Keller's third child, Samuel Jonathan Keller. "It can't be. At that rate, I'll be in a nursing home any second now," he added.

"You'd better not be, mister," Sam scolded, treating him to a gentle elbow in his side. "I'm gonna need you around here for awhile."

"Stop it you two," Daniel said. "You're too cute, _way_ too cute.

"Besides, before I forget," he said, addressing Sam. "General Landry is begging for a few minutes of your time tomorrow. Seems the gate technicians can't get the diagnostic to run properly. He knows you're on leave, but really wants you to make an exception."

Before Sam could answer, Teal'c stood up, stretched his legs and lifted his little friend David with him.

"And I have brought the materials you requested, O'Neill," he announced.

"Thank you," Jack said with emphasis. "I was starting to lose it, trying to keep David out of things lately."

Sam looked at Jack quizzically.

"Jack …?"

"Uh … the other day, David showed me one or two problem areas I didn't know about, Jack said. "T got us some more child proof locks for cupboards and plugs for wall sockets I've never seen before."

"He does have a way of doing that," Sam admitted, "exploring areas of the house we never knew existed.

"What …?" Sam added catching the self satisfied grin on Daniel's face.

"What? You mean me?" Daniel asked, snapping to attention and looking as innocent as possible.

"Yes, I believe Samantha was addressing you Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said solemnly. "It did appear you were staring."

"It's nothing," Daniel insisted. David tugged at his pant legs, miffed no one was paying attention to him. "It's just … well… a certain cliché comes to mind. And since Jack hates clichés, well, you know, I wouldn't want to say one in his presence."

"Right," Jack quipped, "as if that ever stopped you."

Taking that as permission, Daniel first reached down and picked up David. Placing the instantly contented child on the sofa next to him, teddy bear and all, he began to share his very favorite cliché with the group.

"Alright, if you must know," he said, "I was thinking about something my grandfather once told me. We were talking about … well, some of the bad things that happened to me early on in my life. Of course, he was trying to get me to look on the bright side of things, not to give up, things like that.

"Anyway, Nick said a lot of things," Daniel continued. "But that one that stuck with me was simple. 'Don't quit before the miracle.' I've thought about that one a lot over the years. There've been days I've dismissed it as another pious platitude. But right at this minute, looking at you guys, maybe there's something to it."

"I'd say there's a lot to it, Daniel," Jack said, reaching over to grab Sam's hand. He squeezed it lovingly and was rewarded with a megawatt smile that never failed to light up his heart.

"I couldn't agree more," she added. "We've got our miracle. And it was worth waiting for."

The End

* * *

A/N: Many thanks to everyone who has read this story over the past few weeks. Thanks too for your patience with the delays related to my computer problems. And most of all, thank you to the gracious reviewers who have kept me motivated as the chapters rolled on. It's been so nice to know you are reading.

Hope you enjoyed the conclusion of the story. And I hope it proved to you that I am a sucker for happy endings! Actually I am a big believer that if we hold out long enough, often there are good things waiting for all of us. The problem, or better yet the challenge, is that we often have to make our way through very difficult, sometimes painful circumstances before we can see the good. Or as Daniel said in the story, "Don't give up before the miracle."

Goodbye for now. I'm hoping to hear from many of you in stories of your own in the days to come. Right now my own muse seems worn out, at least when it comes to Stargate stories. If any of you have an inspiration you'd like to share with me and my muse, feel free!


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